Parental Alienation - A Spectator's View

Six Months

2011-02-02T13:13:00.014-05:00

Two weeks from today Zach will be 6 months old. My, how time has flown. I don't really have anything new to report as far as my husband's older son is concerned. He's still 18. He's still in TN. He's still not talking. I'm beginning to think it a hopeless situation, but I still occasionally try to keep in touch with him. I rarely get a response. Should I keep it up? The experts say yes . . . so I probably will, to some degree. Since I don't have much to report regarding our TN situation, I thought I'd update you with a few photos from the past month or two . . .

Zach going to his first chicken stew at the lake . . . October 2010.

Cutest little Tiger . . . EVER!! Halloween 2010

Merry Christmas! December 2010

New Year at the coast . . . on his cousin's boat! January 2011

Six Weeks

2010-09-28T14:42:00.003-04:00

Six weeks ago yesterday, my son was born. Zachary Todd Davis came into this world on August 16, 2010. He weighed 9 lbs 10.8 oz and was 22.5 inches long. I never thought I'd have a baby that weighed almost 10 lbs!

Here is a picture of Zach and Chris. We are still in the O.R. and I'm being stitched up after my c-section. I have some photos of that, but I won't post them. You're welcome!

Zach had several visitors in the hospital. Uncle Tim came to visit the very first day that I was born. He brought Aunt Trish and Cousin Jen.

Grandma Helen came to visit me, too!

I had hoped to hear more from Spencer after Zach was born, but I haven't. I've sent him photos of Zach, but I don't get any response. I text him regularly, without much of a response. At some point, I'd like for Zach and Spencer to meet, but I'm not sure when we'll be able to do that. With my going back to work in November and with Chris' new job, we won't have nearly as flexible a schedule as we have had in the past. Maybe over the holidays, during his break from school, or perhaps in the summer, we can meet up at the beach or something. I truly want Zach to know his older brother, as I want Spencer to know us as a family.

Here are a few pictures from our weekend:

Announcing the Arrival of Spencer's Baby Brother . . .

2010-08-21T13:28:00.003-04:00

Just a quick note to update. Zachary Todd Davis was born on August 16, 2010, at 1:12 AM. He weighed 9 lb 10.8 oz and was 22.5 inches long. Here is a photo . . .

Spencer's Baby Brother

2010-03-17T17:32:00.003-04:00

We have some exciting news - and some news that makes me somewhat sad . . . The exciting part is Chris and I are expecting a baby boy this summer and we are so VERY excited about that. Chris will have two sons with birthdays within weeks of one another. Here is one of the first photos of our little man.

I like to think he's waving "hi" to his mommy and daddy. I'm so excited to be starting a family with Chris - I just wish that Spencer was a part of it. Maybe someday he will be and maybe he'll want to meet his baby brother. I can only hope so - that would make both Chris and me so very happy.

The sad part is that due to my pregnancy, I won't be able to concentrate on trying to keep in touch with Spencer quite as much. I'll still contact him periodically, as will his dad, but we've been fighting this battle for several years now, Chris much much longer than I, and we just don't have the energy or the time to continue banging our heads against a wall. We have to concentrate on our new family. We have so much to do this summer to get ready for our little boy's arrival. Although Spencer will always have a place with us and he will always be welcome in our home, since he will be 18 soon, it will be up to him to see that and want that. I only hope that someday he does and he realizes he has a huge family here in NC.

So, with that said, I'll more than likely not be updating this particular blog many more times, and that makes me sad. I'm not one to give up on things, usually, so I'm going to look at this as shifting my focus to something else for the time being.

Thanks to those that follow my blog and thanks to those who've sent positive comments since I started this blog. Your support has been appreciated.

~Patty

Happy Birthday, DAD

2010-03-13T10:20:00.005-05:00

The month of February brings my husband's birthday and although we always have some sort of celebration, some sort of family gathering, some sort of birthday cake, it just isn't the same without Spencer. I long for the day when Spencer picks up the phone and gives his dad a call - to wish him a happy birthday or to just say "hello, how are you?". This year, I was feeling under the weather and stayed home while some of the rest of the family got together at Chris' mom's to celebrate both Chris' and Gina's birthdays. They had a wonderful dinner that Helen prepared (I got takeout) and TWO birthday cakes, one each for Chris and Gina. Helen made Chris' favorite red velvet cake complete with his favorite icing. He always said that the cream cheese icing I make (from scratch) is very good, just not like his mom's used to be. Now, I know why! She doesn't make cream cheese icing for her red velvet cake, she makes coconut icing! No wonder it tastes different! Anyway, here are a few photos from yet another birthday celebration . . . without Spencer. Hopefully, one day that will all change. We love you, Spencer!

Uncle Joe, preparing to serve Helen's YUMMY roast beef. She makes the best roasts!

Chris' brother, Tim, apparently not happy about being photographed!

Jen - loves her some Uncle Chris!

Chris and the homemade birthday cake Helen baked just for him!

Aunt Gina and HER yummy birthday cake!

Holiday Activities

2010-01-16T12:11:00.012-05:00

I haven't written in a while so I thought I'd post a few photos from the holidays. Christmas is always fun - Chris has a HUGE family and we all try to get together at some point during the holiday season. If you notice, there is someone noticeably missing from my pictures. . . Christmastime is always bittersweet for us.

But, we did manage to attend a really cool Christmas Party at a friend's house

And, as usual, we went to Chris' brother's house on Christmas Eve and we ate and opened a few presents.

And the day after Christmas, we went to Chris aunt's & uncle's house for some family time and some good food! We had lots of snacks and a snowball fight after lunch!

WATCH DR. WARSHAK ON ABC 20/20

2009-12-15T07:54:00.002-05:00

WATCH DR. WARSHAK ON ABC 20/20

Friday, December 18, 2009

9-11 p.m. ET; 8-10 p.m. CT

{email from Dr. Warshak follows}

On Friday, December 18, ABC 20/20 will present the fascinating story of an international abduction case involving an alienated child. In preparation for this show, I was interviewed by Chris Cuomo.

During the second taping, I had an opportunity to demonstrate some of the procedures used during Family Bridges: A Workshop for Troubled and Alienated Parent-Child Relationships.

I expect this show to have a major impact in educating the public about the suffering of children who have been turned against a parent, and about what can be done to help ease a child's transition back to a rejected parent.

Please mark your calendars. Note that on December 18, 20/20 begins one hour earlier than usual and runs for two hours. The segment in which I am involved is scheduled for the first hour, although this is subject to change.

If you enjoyed the show, please leave your comments at: http://abcnews.go.com/2020.

For more information about Dr. Warshak, go to http://warshak.com

Happy Holiday - sort of . . .

2009-11-30T07:30:00.004-05:00

Nothing really new, but felt like sharing a few photographs from Halloween and Thanksgiving. We went to Chris' brother's house for Halloween and to his mother's house for Thanksgiving. We had a good time at both places - the kids are always fun and they love their Uncle Chris, but it is still a bittersweet time. Chris' son should be there. We send text messages. No response. Chris leaves voice messages. No response. We'd planned to take Chris' mom to TN so that she could visit with her oldest grandchild, but it seems as if those plans have been foiled . . . again! Chris' ex has informed his mother that they will be coming to NC in December and that she can visit with Spencer then (I'm sure on the condition that she not share the date or time with Chris, as usual). One more maneuver to prevent the possibility that Spencer will actually have the opportunity to see to speak to Chris and have to make that decision without her presence . . . and guidance. It probably wouldn't have happened anyway, but there's always hope.

Anyway . . . here are a few pictures from our recent family fun times:

and the drama goes on . . .

2009-11-10T15:53:00.006-05:00

I haven't written in a while, as there's not been a lot to write about. We've been waiting for news from Chris' mom's doctor (kind of waiting for the other shoe to fall, so to speak - but it didn't!) and we got good news instead of bad, so that's new and reportable . . . but the new twist this week is really not a new twist at all . . . just more of the same ole crap.

In a nutshell, Chris' mom (Spencer's grandmother) wants to see Spencer and apparently she's going to have to go to TN to do it. Chris and I have volunteered to drive Helen to TN, pay for hotel or bed & breakfast for a few nights and she can visit with Spencer to her heart's content. We have friends there, we'll be fine. We can find something to do and we'd like to take Spencer's Christmas gift from us and let Helen deliver it. We don't even expect to speak to Spencer, let alone spend time with him. For obvious reasons - at least to those who know us - Chris doesn't think its appropriate for his mother to be a house-guest of his ex-wife, on which Spencer's mother is apparently insisting. Here are just a few reasons that come to mind:

She's done everything in her power to keep Chris and his son apart since they divorced in 1995

She took Spencer across state lines, in direct violation of a court order to remain in the county of Guilford and state of NC

She tried to go behind Chris' back and have Spencer adopted by his current step-father without Chris' knowledge or consent

She lied in court and said that she could not find Chris, but he still, to this day, lives in the same house that he lived in where she picked Spencer up from his summer visit in 2001

She intentionally sent letters, certified mail, to an old address where she knew Chris didn't live, knowing they'd be returned as "undeliverable", so she could use them in court to try to say that she couldn't find Chris, that Chris had left the state (of NC) and abandoned his son. She didn't count on him showing up in TN

She lied, and had Spencer lie, in court documents (i.e. under oath) in order to obtain a restraining order to keep Chris away from his son. She told the court and had Chris' son tell the court that Chris had been incarcerated in a "mental prison" and had threatened their entire family. We were denied the opportunity to disprove this in court.

When Chris' son came here in 2006 to visit, he told his mom upon return to TN that he wanted to move to NC to live with his dad and me. We have basically not seen him since. Wonder what changed his mind? We really don't know . . . but we have a pretty good idea.

Now, the new twist is this: Chris' mother doesn't want to have to pay for an airline ticket and rent a car. She is elderly and really doesn't need any added stress at all. She's had several different types of cancer, among other ailments, and just came off of a very serious cancer scare. So, we've offered to drive her to Clarksville and pay for a hotel room or a room in that nice bed and breakfast. Spencer's mother is insisting that Chris' mother stay with her. If she rides to TN with us, Spencer WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO SEE HER, even though we will not be present when he picks her up.

Just another attempt to control the situation, control access to Spencer, hurt Chris by attempting to drive a wedge between him and his mother and prevent any possible contact between Chris and Spencer, because the last time they were together for an extended period of time, he preferred being with his Dad.

She has to make sure that anyone that knows them does not get to know us . . . then her whole story falls apart . . .

in retrospect, I'm sure that once this blog is read by those folks who monitor it regularly, there will be denials. There are always denials. I did NOT say that. I don't know WHERE she got that idea. She is just LYING. There are always the denials . . . you'd think folks would wise up.

to be continued . . . .

possible bad news . . . UPDATE #2

2009-10-29T13:04:00.006-04:00

Although this is entirely off topic, Chris' mother has received some news that could potentially be bad news. Please keep Helen in your thoughts and send positive energy her way! Will update when we have something to share.

Looks like we've dodged a bullet, at least until January 2010. Yay!

Update #2 - Chris went to the doctor with his mother today (11/10/09). She'd requested a second opinion from her local doctor (one can never be too sure). The local doctor said that her scans seem to be unchanged since 2007 and that he's not all that sure what prompted the concern of the doctor in Philly, but he'll be in contact to find out. YAY! This is very good news!

Shunned again - but am I surprised?

2009-09-18T07:34:00.004-04:00

Chris' son is a senior in high school this year. His grades have improved drastically. He doesn't have any grade below a B right now and he's missed 1 day of school this 9-weeks. What a change a few years can make! When he was a freshman in high school - not that long ago in 2006 - his grades were dismal. He failed a semester of world geography that he has plans to make up this year. He failed 5 out of 6 of his mid-terms. He missed (or was marked absent) 21 days in his 1st period class - in just the first semester! The resulting truancy hearing was, of course, blamed on my husband. It was Chris' fault - even though Chris was about 500 miles away and didn't even know there had been a truancy hearing . . . but, that's another story in and of itself. I got off topic - sorry.

Its the time of year when parents need to place orders for senior portraits. Last year, we sought out the company that took Spencer's junior pictures and ordered some for Chris and his mother (thanks to the help of the wonderful teachers/staff at NEHS for helping with that!). Spencer's mother DID send Chris' mother a junior picture of her first grandson - a wallet sized picture. Now, its time for the "Senior Portrait" with lots of poses and lots of proofs to choose from. Chris has again contacted the company that took the photos (again, thanks to the wonderful teachers/staff at his new high school - WCHS!) and we've looked at all the proofs online - all 51 of them! Chris contacted Spencer's mother - via email - at the beginning of the week to ask which photo they'd chosen for the yearbook (and for prints) so that, in the very likely event we have to purchase our own photos again this year, we'd know which one is in the yearbook. So far, no answer. Nada. Zip. Nothing.

So, I guess we'll be on our own as far as the senior portraits are concerned. I can probably find out the yearbook photo selection if I actually call the company, but, ya know, a little cooperation from the person who has "always encouraged a relationship between Spencer and his father" would be such a refreshing change. I am thankful that the internet has created an atmosphere where it is much easier to contact and correspond with those folks that are integral to Spencer's education - especially since they are about 500 miles away.

Labor Day 2009

2009-09-08T12:59:00.007-04:00

Well, summer has come and gone. We've spent lots of time with friends and family during the summer, mostly at the lake, and Labor Day 2009 was no exception. We swam and fished. We boated and wakeboarded. Some of us rode the tubes until we fell off and couldn't climb back on and some of us (one in particular) held on and didn't miss a beat - even when it flipped. Although my husband didn't hear the one sound that he so longs for (Spencer, calling him Dad), he did hear a chorus of "Uncle Chris" all through the weekend. And that was so nice. Thank you to the nephews and the niece that helped with that. I plan to upload a few photos later and maybe a video or two. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday weekend.

We had lots of fun over the holiday weekend. We did a little of this:

and this:

and this:

and some of this, too:

A Family's Heartbreak: A Parent's Introduction to Parental Alienation

2009-08-31T12:49:00.005-04:00

For those who have experienced parental alienation, or those who know someone who has experienced it, I strongly suggest you read this book. I finished it on Friday evening and it was like Michael Jeffries was writing about some of my husband's personal experiences. Granted, they don't share all of the experiences discussed in this book, but they share a great many. Until I read this book, I thought my husband's situation and story had to be one of the worst. I was wrong about that. There are so many stories out there just like my husband's and it is a damn shame. If you have any desire to read a well-written story that describes exactly what goes on during the parental alienation process, read this book. I only hope that some day, father and son will re-unite; both Michael Jeffries with his son, and my husband with Spencer.

Happy Birthday, Grandma

2009-08-27T12:46:00.004-04:00

Last Sunday, the 23rd, was my mother-in-law's 69th birthday. We gathered around 1 PM at a local eatery and celebrated with lunch, birthday cards & gifts and, of course, birthday cake. There were about 21 of us - not nearly the entire family, but the ones that are close and able to be there. I sent Spencer a text message, but I don't know if he called his grandma to wish her a happy birthday or not. I hope that he did - her other two grandsons were there, along with her step-grandchildren. It would have been so nice if Spencer had been there, too, but we're pretty much used to his absence. We don't anticipate that will change any time soon, although we so wish it would; wish it could.

Here are a few photos:

Anonymous Comment

2009-08-19T07:13:00.003-04:00

Good Morning. I really hadn't planned to write anything this morning, as I'm still tired from the weekend trip home, but I received an anonymous comment, at about 5 AM, from someone who does not believe that parental alienation exists. I would like to reiterate that this blog is from MY perspective, about things that I've seen, heard and witnessed for MYSELF. I typically form my own opinions about things and like to believe that I'm open-minded and non-judgemental. My husband does not write this blog, he does not contribute to it and he does not tell me what to write in it - I really don't think he even reads it. If Anonymous- you know who you are - wishes to remain anonymous, then I will not publish the comment. I have had several positive comments and positive communications from very supportive people who DID NOT remain ANONYMOUS - why would you choose to keep your identity hidden? If you would like to have a discussion on the subject of Parental Alienation, I would be glad to, if I knew who I was conversing with.

Nothing Much New

2009-08-18T07:53:00.002-04:00

I really don't have any earth-shattering news to report - I just felt like I needed to write something. Still no word from Spencer. He continues to ignore any effort that we make. I did, however, receive a surprise gift in the mail yesterday (no, not from Spencer, or Spencer's girlfriend). But, it actually has something to do with Spencer and I'm glad we requested it.

Spencer - should you ever read this, we truly hope you had a wonderful 17th birthday and that you are enjoying the beginning of your senior year in high school. If there is anything we can do to help, you know both my phone number and your dad's phone number. Just call.

That time of year . . . the beginning of school

2009-08-10T17:47:00.010-04:00

I re-read a post that I made a while ago about Spencer's plans for college. Although I didn't intend for it to be demeaning to Spencer in any way, in retrospect, I may have been harsh. I didn't intend to be harsh - that's just the way I am. I tend to open my mouth and speak (or let my fingers type) sometimes before I completely think things through. I truly hope that Spencer does make it into medical school - even at Vanderbilt, should he apply. I truly hope that Spencer does complete his undergraduate degree - preferably a degree that would facilitate his acceptance into medical school, should he see fit to apply. I think it would be a wonderful thing for Spencer to complete college and then medical school and then a residency and should he complete the total 12 years that becoming a physician requires - I think that would be just . . . . well, awesome. I have worked at a medical school for the last 12 years and would love to help him plan for his education (not that I'm a doctor or anything . . . or even anything remotely close to a doctor), but I did graduate from college and I work with a lot of folks in the medical field who I could beg for suggestions and advice.

I just think that Vanderbilt is quite an ambitious goal for a young person who didn't really take school all that seriously until his junior year of high school and that perhaps a back-up plan should be in order. Call me crazy, but I would think that a high school senior that is planning to go to medical school some day would at least have one advanced biology class or one advanced math class on the schedule for the year. College is tough. Medical school is more than tough, its very very hard. Very intelligent folks drop out every year because it is so hard. A residency, from what I understand, is so difficult and so stressful that lots of folks - very gifted folks who've already made it through medical school - don't make it because they buckle under the stress.

The point I was trying to make in the previous post about Spencer's college plans is that I think he needs to do a bit more planning and preparing. Admissions information for Vanderbilt is available on the website. Very few folks make it into medical school there - and for those that did for the year 2008, they had an average 3.8 GPA for their undergraduate degree. To be accepted into VUMS one must have an average GPA of 3.8, complete the MCAT and have completed the following:

Biology: A minimum of 8 semester hours, including laboratory.
Chemistry: A minimum of 16 semester hours including laboratories, 8 in inorganic chemistry and 8 in organic chemistry.
English and Composition: A minimum of 6 semester hours in English literature and/or writing.
Physics: A minimum of 8 semester hours, including laboratory.

Admissions requirements can be found here. Getting into medical school is difficult. Completing medical school is much more difficult.

I apologize to Spencer should he read my blog and be offended or have his feelings hurt. But, I'd rather have his feelings hurt now than have him become discouraged and quit because nobody told him how difficult it is to get accepted into medical school - let alone actually complete it. Its hard and you have to work for it - you have to work about 12 years for it, but if you achieve it, its worth all the sacrifices made along the way.

We made it!

2009-08-10T13:36:00.026-04:00

Every year when Spencer's birthday rolls around I often wonder how to handle it. Should I acknowledge it, should I talk about it thereby risking making my husband feel that much worse when he realizes that another birthday is passing and he's not seeing or speaking to his son? Should I ignore it and risk seeming indifferent to the fact that it's his son's birthday and they are not communicating at all? This year, we kind of met in the middle. We acknowledged that it was, indeed, Spencer's 17th birthday on Saturday, but we didn't dwell on it as we had in past years. We didn't sit around and be depressed about it either. We've made contact. We've sent cards. We've purchased birthday gifts (that haven't been mailed yet, as we wanted to take advantage of any sales that were going on for the "tax free weekend" in NC last weekend). We sent text messages. We have let Spencer know that we remembered his birthday, we hope he had a wonderful birthday, and we truly wish he'd been here to celebrate with us. Unfortunately, that was not the case, so, we had as good a time as we could possibly have had without being able to share it with him.

We were at the lake for the weekend and Chris' brother and his two boys were there, too. Uncle Joe came up two days and he and Chris took turns dragging the kids (whether the actual children or the really big kids masquerading as adults) around the lake on various objects meant to be dragged around the lake with folks on them (i.e. knee board, wake board, inner tube (not really an inner tube, but a floatation device that is called a tube) and the newer wake SKATE). I tried to capture as much of this hilarity on video as I could. I took some still shots and I took some video. Here is how our weekend progressed:

First, we had birthday cake to celebrate Tim's boys' birthdays. They have birthdays that are a couple of weeks apart at the end of July and the beginning of August:

Uncle Chris wishing both his nephews "Happy Birthday" on Thursday night. We had birthday cake and both Double Strawberry and Chocolate ice cream, but we waited until the next evening to actually eat because they had just come back from CATFISHING and it was a little late for cake and ice cream. There are no photos of the CATFISHING because I typically do not CATFISH.

Friday was quite exciting. Apparently Uncle Joe was at the lake for most of the day while I was at work, but when I got back, Cody wanted to do some photos and maybe some video of him wakeboarding behind Uncle Joe's boat. This is what our boat ride looked like on Friday evening:

We started the evening by piling into Uncle Joe's boat to take Cody out wakeboarding. He wanted to practice. On the way, Chris checked out the wakeskate (?) and Dylan sort of hung out and looked cool at the front of the boat.

Uncle Joe and Chris chatted while Tim drove the boat, attempting to pull Cody up on the wakeboard. After final review, it was determined that Uncle Joe was the best person to drive the boat while attempting to pull Cody up on the wakeboard. This is what followed:

And this:

and a little of this:

Saturday was a little more mild. Although we have a boat and that boat will indeed pull a skier, a tube rider, or a wakeboarder, its not nearly as cool as Uncle Joe's boat.

Then, Tim took his turn:

And after that, we did a bit of tubing:

Cody went flying through the air and Dylan looked really cool in his dad's shades.

Chris tested out the tube and then proceeded to flip it. Even Sadie had her turn later in the day.

After the kids left on Sunday, we took the boat out and just swam. Sadie had a large time. This is why my dog NEEDS to wear a life jacket:

Difficult weekend ahead

2009-08-07T14:51:00.004-04:00

I guess I have a few things to blog about today. First, Saturday (tomorrow) is Spencer's birthday. He will be 17 years old and it will be another birthday where my husband is unable to talk to or see his son. Birthdays are always difficult for Chris but hopefully, this weekend won't be as bad. We've been up at the lake for about a month or so now and this weekend, Chris' brother and his two sons are there as well. Both of Chris' nephews have had birthdays in the last couple of weeks and we have cake and ice cream for them to celebrate with their Uncle Chris. They went catfishing last night - not sure what time exactly - but it was late. Apparently one catfishes in the dark. Anyway, we've picked up a few gifts, but haven't sent them yet. We did send cards with a note explaining that the gift(s) would be at a later date. This weekend is tax-free weekend in NC and I hope to take advantage of that. We continue to send things for Spencer to his girlfriend's house. We are very greatful that they continue to allow us to do that.

Second, Chris' mother has asked that I not write anything more about her in my blog as she has a "friend" that reads it for her. Well, I cannot promise that. As long as my mother-in-law participates in the process, she'll more than likely be mentioned here. This blog is about my husband and his son and how they've been robbed of many years of their father/son relationship. I can promise that I won't write anything that is untruthful. I cannot promise that the truth will show Chris' mother in a positive light. I really don't know who my mother-in-law's "friend" is that reads my blog as most of her friends are her age - almost 70 - and few are computer literate. I don't know if they could even find my blog, but maybe one of them did and reads it for her. If that is the case, I wish they'd identify him/herself as I'd like to chat. I, personally, tend to believe that my mother-in-law's "friend" is Chris's first wife - Spencer's mother. I know both her and her husband read my blog and my mother-in-law has stayed in touch with her, even been friendly with her, over the years - much to my husband's chagrin. This continued friendship with his ex-wife has, in many ways, contributed to, even assisted with, the alienation of son from father. As one might expect, I have somewhat of a problem with that and that has led to problems with my mother-in-law. She doesn't particularly care for my willingness to express my opinion - especially if it differs from hers.

So, another year with no Happy Birthday's to/for Spencer; another year of not seeing Spencer; another year of waiting . . .waiting until he's older and hopefully can see some of what has been going on in his life. By no means do I think my husband a saint. By no means do I think that I am either. I fully realize that when people divorce, things can get nasty. Even the nicest people do and say things that they shouldn't and normally wouldn't under different circumstances. I've been there and I've done that and I'm fairly sure that when Chris and Spencer's mother divorced, things were not pleasant. That does not mean that Chris and Spencer should be deprived of a true father/son relationship. We can only wait . . . and hope.

Original Judge was Censured

2009-08-04T12:55:00.004-04:00

My husband always told me that the original judge that ruled in Spencer's custody case didn't really listen to any of the witnesses when they went back to court in 2000. He told me that he had Spencer's teachers appear in court and testify. He had statements from his landlord that Spencer lived with Chris. Spencer's step-grandfather testified that Spencer was a more "well-adjusted" child and that he did better in school when he lived with Chris. Chris told me that the judge didn't even listen to any of his witnesses and that one of Spencer's teachers was literally in tears because she felt the judge completely ignored her testimony. Now, I think I've found out what the judge was so preoccupied with: Perhaps Judge Daisy was busy sending objectionable emails or maybe he was so distracted by the female employees at the courthouse that he simply didn't pay attention Judge Daisy Censured. These two articles have to do with Judge William Daisy - the District Court Judge that presided over the original custody hearing in 1995 (I believe) and the hearing in 2000 where Chris was ordered to return Spencer to the custody of his mother.

I know this isn't in chronological order - but as I remember things, I'd like to post them. I just found the links to these articles today and wanted to establish a connection to them.

What a good weekend!

2009-08-03T17:22:00.003-04:00

This weekend I had the privilege of meeting two of Chris' friends that used to live in Greensboro, but moved to Ohio about 7 years ago. Ed and Karen and their two LOVELY children Logan and Megan. They were in town visiting and stopped by the lake Saturday night and stayed until Sunday. I so enjoyed meeting them. It is good to talk to people that actually knew Chris when Spencer lived with him. I, unfortunately, did not know him then, but Ed and Karen did. Karen and I had a lengthy chat and it was good to be able to talk to someone who was there; someone who knew Chris when his son was with him and knew how devastated he was when he lost him. It is good for Chris to be around people who care about him and support him and really know the hell he's been through. We sat on the deck and chatted. Chris and Ed took the kids out on the boat and pulled them around on a tube for a while - until dark. The kids watched a movie and slept on the fold out couch in the camper. Somehow, Sadie ended up in bed with them for a while! We went to the marina and had a nice breakfast before they went on their way to visit yet another family member. It was good for Chris to see and talk to people that remember.

A few photos from the weekend:

Happy Birthday Spencer

2009-07-31T16:47:00.006-04:00

Well, today isn't actually Spencer's birthday, but it is soon. My husband's son will turn 17 years old in a few days. Chris has called and left messages; he's sent him text messages. He's asked him if he wants a specific gift for his birthday. Still no communication from TN. So, I guess we'll do what we did at Christmas. Buy some gifts and a card and send them to his girlfriend's house. He can either tell his mom about it or not. I'm guessing he won't, but I could be wrong. As far as I know, he's only told her about the cards we've sent in the past - not about the gifts. I won't go into detail here, in case I'm right and she doesn't know what we sent him.

In the meantime, we've been at the lake for yet another week. This is our 4th. The water is soothing and its very peaceful and quiet there during the week when most folks leave. We don't have connectiity and we have minimal television. We do have friends and each other and for now, that is enough.

Here are a few snapshots of the last few weeks at the lake:

A friend's kids, Sadie swimming and a very tired dog.

Sadie in the boat, Sadie being coaxed off the boat, Sadie in the water.

a few new photos

2009-07-20T16:50:00.010-04:00

As promised, here are a few new photos from the lake. You might wonder why these are on a blog about parental alienation - I just wanted to share some of our family activities that Chris' son is missing. Still no communication from TN.

Friends checking out the boat; Cody and Eric on tubes out on the lake.

A little pinot noir, our boat, Sadie trying to catch fish in a bucket

Sadie fishing and on the boat

And a video or two:

Tim, Cody and Eric on tubes 6/14/09

Sadie likes to swim, too!

No Communication from TN

2009-07-15T17:11:00.008-04:00

I should have known better, really, I should have. In retrospect, I should not have posted Spencer's text messages in my blog. I know his mom reads my blog. I should have known that she'd say SOMETHING to him about texting me (whether she was angry or he got in trouble, I do not know. At the vey least she probably made him feel guilty for staying in touch with me, after all, I am the wife of the devil himself). Now, I send text messages to Spencer and he will not answer. He will not even be rude. Nothing. I ask him about school. Nothing. I ask him if he got his laptop fixed yet. Nothing. I ask him about his ACT / SAT. Nothing.

In the future, should Spencer decide to return any of my messages, I will not blog about it. I have to be very careful with what I post - you know, tipping off the "enemy" so to speak, as this blog is NOT private.

In the meantime, we've been at the lake for the last two weeks. Its the same distance for me to drive to work from the lake as it is from home, so I might as be near the water, don't ya think? Have I ever told you the story of how we came to have a spot at the lake? (Granted, its a pretty redneck spot at the lake, but its fun all the same).

Here's the story:

When Spencer visited with us in NC for Thanksgiving all those years ago back in 2006, we went to Hanging Rock State Park for a day. On our way, we detoured through Stokesdale, NC so we could winterize Chris' brother's camper up at the lake. The spot next to Chris' brother's spot was vacant at the time (we didn't have anyting to put in it) and we asked Spencer if he'd like to spend time up there the following summer. We typically went up there several times in the summer and went out on Chris' brother's boat, had cook-outs . . . Spencer thought it would be "cool" and at this time, he was still planning on being in NC for at least part of his summer vacation in 2007.

Chris and Spencer talked about it some more and Spencer told him he thought it would be fun to have a spot up at the lake and hang out with his cousins and go boating and ride the jet skis . . . So, I started looking for a camper. Chris talked with the lady that owns Humphrey's Ridge to see if we could have the vacant spot next to Chris' brother should we find a camper. We looked at campers online for weeks - and finally I found one that was suitable, but it was almost in Virginia Beach! We called the folks that owned it, worked out a deal and rented a truck that would pull it, as it weighes A LOT! We needed at least a 2500 so we rented a Dodge Ram 2500 Diesel and off we went. We bought a camper - a 35-foot camper and put it in the spot next to Chris' brother's camper in February 2007.

Chris had big plans for a deck. Most sites have decks, but apparently the occupant of this particular site had cut his up and taken it with him when he left, so we had to start from scratch. Chris had big plans for Spencer to, at some point, help him with this deck. He'd have the opportunity to teach him how to use all those power tools that one uses when building a big-ass deck. Unfortunately, that never happened. Spencer has not even seen our deck, let alone been in our camper or ridden either of the jet skis that we bought and then sold to buy the boat that we now have. The only help that my husband had in building this big-ass deck was from me . . . and although I'm fairly proficient with various power tools (for a girl, anyway), I'm no deck-builder by any stretch of the imagination, but I tried. I did the best that I could. I screwed screws into deck boards for hour . . . and hours. Chris is now about to finish our storage building on the corner of our deck. You see, we have lots of stuff that we need to store somewhere. Somewhere not inside our camper. Although it is a big camper, it doesn't have lots and lots of storage for things like, say, fishing poles and tackle boxes and shop vacs and leaf blowers and one must have all of these things at the lake.

Here are a few photos of the progress of our spot at the lake:

The first 2 are our camper. At a rest area. On the way back from VA. The last is the view from our spot at the lake.

Power Tools. Supplies. Good Help is hard to find.

From the beginning - first we had an empty spot where a deck should be.

Floor joists and deck boards . . .

rafters . . .

roof . . . voila! Breakfast on our new deck!

In between working . . . we took time to play a little, too.

I'll update later with pictures of the storage building and the boat.

Unfortunately, Spencer hasn't seen any of this - even though he was the main reason we acquired the camper and the spot to put it in. We spend many weekends and a few entire weeks here during the summer and we'd planned for him to spend some of that time with us - but he's chosen to believe that his father is the devil and I am the devil's wife. Hopefully, one day soon, he'll see the truth.

Happy 4th of July

2009-07-07T16:22:00.003-04:00

Another holiday where my husband doesn't get to see his son. We spent the weekend at the lake and had a fairly good time, so we decided to stay the entire week. I can drive to work from the lake in about the same time that I can drive from home, and, lets face it. Being on the lake is soothing. The people at the lake are friendly. Everybody seems happy. Maybe its because they spend a lot of time on the water . . . maybe they are just nice people. Don't really know why. Don't really care why.

Saturday was the 4th of July. Happy Independence Day. We went out on the lake with friends just before dark to see the fireworks from the water. I'd never seen the fireworks from the lake before and I was excited to this year. Chris picked the perfect spot to park our boat and we waited. The show was fairly short, but it was nice (what's not nice about being on the water and watching fireworks?). Although it would have been better if Spencer had been able to join us, I don't anticipate that happening any time soon. I sent him a text message - no answer. Chris called - no response. Anyway, here are a few photos of the fireworks we saw at the lake:

A Few Family Events

2009-07-02T14:12:00.011-04:00

I had a little bit of time today, as I'm off work, so I thought I'd post a few photos from some of the family "gatherings" over the past few years. We've been accused of being terrible people. We've been told that "Spencer has a family in TN". I just wanted to address those statements. We are not terrible people and we know that Spencer has a few relatives (step-relatives) that live in TN and near-by in KY. We are not trying to replace the family he's come to know, but Chris is his father and his family (just on his mother's side) is quite large (Probably 70 or more now, with the new additions). I don't have any children, but I would think that that the more family a child has - the more people that love and support him/her - the better that child would be for it. Here are a few photos of just some of the family events that Spencer has missed out on. From 2004, 2005 and 2006:

L to R Christmas 2004, Christmas 2004, Chris' birthday Feb 2005

L to R: Me, watching Helen open the birthday cake I made her, August 2005, Christmas at Helen's 2005

Easter Picnic 2006

Cody's Skateboard Birthday Party July 2006

Dylan's Putt-Putt birthday party 8/06 Helen's "topsy turvy" birthday cake 8/06

Helen's birthday weekend at the Lake - 8/06

Jennifer's gymnastics birthday party 9/06

Chris' grandfather's 82nd birthday 10/06

Decorating for Christmas, 2006

Aunt Sherley's lovely decorations 2006

Christmas 2006

Staying Home After All

2009-06-30T16:01:00.003-04:00

I'm not sure why it happened, but I'm glad that it did. Chris' mother told me last week that she'd canceled her trip to TN, but I didn't believe her. I felt that she'd still go and probably stay with Chris' ex-wife. Apparently either I was wrong or she changed her mind at the last minute. I had to take Chris to get his truck out of the shop this morning and since I was going to be late to work anyway, I thought I'd stop by Chris' mom's on the way to work. She was there and she was not preparing for trip to TN.

We've been invited to Clarksville ourselves, by our friends there, Andy & Kim, but we're not going to be able to make it. I need to work Thursday and I'm recovering from a cold I picked up on vacation and I've passed it along to Chris. We're too tired to drive all that way, even to see friends. Perhaps we'll be able to go later in the year and take Chris' mother with us. If we do that, then she can see Spencer while we hang out with our friends.

Vacation is over

2009-06-27T08:18:00.007-04:00

Our week at the beach with family is ending today. We had fun in the sand and the sun, although there was a bit of drama on Monday involving Chris' mother. Fathers Day is hard enough for my husband without her calling and stirring the pot. We thought she'd decided not to go to Clarksville and STAY WITH SPENCER'S MOTHER for an entire week, but she called us while on vacation with updated plans. I don't understand how she could go to TN and be a guest in the house of a woman who had her grandson lie to the court and say that Chris had been incarcerated in a mental prison and is/was a danger to their family. She knows its a lie - she admits to us that Spencer's mother lies all the time to keep them apart, yet she is willing to be a guest in that woman's home because she only thinks of herself. She doesn't realize (or simply doesn't care) that if she does that, in Spencer's eyes, it will validate and give credibility to all the lies that Spencer's mother has told over the years. But she doesn't care. Its all about her. I anticipate that the upcoming week will be stressful.

Here are a few pictures from our vacation:

Tuesday and Wednesday were better

2009-06-24T20:16:00.003-04:00

Fathers Day at the Beach

2009-06-22T09:30:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was a little sad. I never know whether to wish Chris a Happy Father's Day, buy a card, gift . . etc. or to just play it down. He was sad. I could tell he was sad, but he tried not to let it show too much since we're at the beach with his family. Today will be better, I hope. We're off to go play in the sand.

Day 1 at the Beach - Wish you were here Spencer!

2009-06-21T08:10:00.017-04:00

Chris and I arrived shortly before 3:00 PM yesterday, which was good, as check-in was at 3. We checked in , got keys and parking passes for all of our cars and headed over to the condo. Joe and Gina arrived within 15 or 20 minutes and we unpacked, checked out the condo and divvied up bedrooms. We have a nice condo in North Myrtle Beach - the Windy Hill section for those familiar. We have room for 18 folks, so they tell us, but will end up with 10 on Wednesday.

We tried and tried to convince Spencer to come to the beach with us. We offered to fly him and his girlfriend here for the week. We offered to meet them if they wanted to drive (he DID drive from Clarksville, TN to southeast of Atlanta after having his license only 6 weeks last year . . .) No go. His mother told us neither of them were interested in a free trip to the beach for a week. This is what he told me in his text messages:

This from a 16-year-old who's about to turn 17. No time for the beach!

Anyway, We are at the beach and we truly wish Spencer was with us, but he is not. Here are a few photos of our condo:

I'll update more later . . .

a stressful week for us - and unfortunately Spencer, too - Wednesday, May 13, 2009

2009-06-19T10:51:00.005-04:00

A few weeks ago, I bit the bullet and emailed Spencer's mother asking her for some school photos (since we didn't get any) and a few questions about Spencer's school. He has the option to change high schools and be in the first graduating class of a brand new high school in Clarksville. Since she RARELY answers any email that I send, I decided to blind copy her husband, who was/is working in Iraq as a contractor for the military.

I was amzaed that I received an answer the very next day - from her husband, no less! If I'd known he'd respond so quickly, I'd have copied him on ALL prior correspondence with Spencer's mom. I think she had a habit of hitting the delete key when she saw email from me - and she probably didn't even read it.

Anyway, Spencer's step-father responded and although there were a few sarcastic comments, all in all, he was fairly respectful. I can't really blame him for having a bad opinion of either of us - he only knows what he's been told and lord knows what that is. He answered my question about pictures, said they'd look for them, answered my question about the new school - actually answered all of my questions. He asked me about some of the things I had posted regarding him and in a later email said he'd like to not discuss them any more. I told him I'd like to clarify WHY I posted what I did, but I would indeed take those posts down. After my explanation, the topic would not come up again. I spent a few days writing my explanation. At the end, I included an image of the "contract" that Spencer had his mom sign when he was 9 years old - the one that made her promise that if he still wanted to come live with his dad in 4 weeks, that she'd bring him back. This was in August of 2001 and he'd spent about 4 or 5 weeks with Chris over the summer. Seems Spencer always prefers his dad when he's allowed to spend time with him. Anyway, I included an image of that contract and asked him if he'd ever seen it, explained what it was, and sent my email on. I told him in my email that although did not know Chris when that contract was signed, a friend of mine now did and she pretty much backed Chris up as to the events that transpired that day.

In the meantime, I emailed said friend asking her to put the events of that day in her own words - as I was sure I would be accused of lying again and that the "contract" would be something that Chris was accused of fabricating. I didn't hear back from her that day, so I started looking through my files from where we were going to court back in 2007 and I found a notarized statement from her, describing in detail what had happened that day. I scanned that and sent it along, the next day, to the step-father as well. Well, all hell broke loose after that.

I'm really not sure what happened, but I know that I sent an email with an image of a "contract" in it and the next day, I sent a statement that backed up what the contract said, and within about an hour and a half, we started getting rude text messages from Spencer (for about an hour), accusing us of telling lies about his mom and trying to cause trouble with his mom and step-dad. I can only imagine the scenario was this: I sent the email with the contract in it where she promised to take Spencer back to live with his dad if he wanted to go in 4 weeks. The step-dad emailed it to Spencer's mom and asked about it. She denied ever having seen it or signing it. I sent the signed, notarized statement from family friend describing in detail what happened and how Spencer fought his mother for almost 3 hours because he didn't want to leave with her - he wanted to stay with his dad, therefore proving that she DID sign it and had probably lied about it. When caught in her lie, she dragged Chris' son into it, told him what a mean, bad person Chris is and that he's telling lies about her to try to make her look bad and Spencer then started texting us. That seems to be her pattern - if Chris does something she doesn't like or behaves in a way that she thinks he shouldn't, she tells Spencer how mean he is and that he's trying to hurt her and make her look bad - and then has Spencer call or text him telling him to stop spreading lies about his mother. I guess its going to be a never-ending cycle.

Here are the documents that caused such a fuss.

Internet sparring - Wednesday, April 22, 2009

2009-06-19T10:50:00.001-04:00

I've let myself become involved with an email sparring match with Chris' ex-wife, and I shouldn't have. I know I should have held my temper; taken the high road. I just couldn't do it. After Chris received that letter a few weeks ago, yet again implying that if he loved his son, he'd let him change his name from Davis, I let her get the better of me. Chris suggested she let Spencer join us at the beach so that they could discuss the whole 'name change' issue face-to-face, but I knew she'd never allow that and Spencer probably wouldn't want to come at this point - he's truly alienated. But, when I emailed her to ask her to confirm that Spencer was not coming, the response I got was a little pissy and I just snapped. Let her have it with both barrels, I did. Now, I regret that, but I've become much more enlightened regarding this entire mess. I started copying her husband on all of my emails so that he'd at least get an accurate representation of what transpires between us and then, so did she. Either this woman is dangerously delusional or she's lying her butt off to cover her prior actions in the hope that her husband believes her and doesn't get mad.

I was accused of posting false information regarding the murder of her husband's younger brother in 1984 - when I simply posted the online newspaper articles I'd found and the State of GA prison record. I was accused of putting lies about them online - so I made portions of my blog private and asked them to tell me what I'd posted that was factually inaccurate and if it was, it'd remove it. No answer. We were both accused of being obsessed with this subject - but if being obsessed with his son is wanting to know how he is, how he's doing in school and if he's ok, then I guess we're guilty of that. I was accused of thinking that both my husband and I are perfect and never wrong - HA. I have no illusions there - neither of us is perfect and we both come with flaws. We've made our mistakes along the way and hopefully we'll learn from them. But, the kicker for me was, when I listed a few of the things that she'd done that I'd witnessed - she actually tried to convince me that Chris had done them! She slammed a door in his face when he told his son he loved him in court in TN - I was standing beside him and I witnessed it - yet she told me in her email that "she had someone there with her and we both know who slammed that door, don't we?" Yes, we do! She did! She also told me that my husband stood in her driveway and told her that he'd been in a mental hospital. Why in the hell would he do that? First - its not true, he's not been in a mental hospital. Second - if it WAS true, why would he tell the woman he was trying to convince to let him take his son two states away for Easter Vacation something that she could use against him?? That just doesn't make any sense at all. Something like that one would typically hide from an ex-spouse that you have a contentious relationship with. All I can figure is that she started out with little lies and they kept steamrolling and got bigger and bigger. I truly hope that she's just lying to cover her butt now - to keep her husband from getting mad at her, because if she honestly believes what she wrote to me in her email last night, its scary. I can see how this whole mess got so out-of-hand now. Chris always told me she didn't have a real strong grasp on the truth, but I had no idea. Things that I saw with my own eyes she argued that I did not - and then accused me of lying. I will not engage in any more online sparing with her. I hope that her husband finishes up his job overseas and comes home - soon. He needs to be at home with his wife so he can take care of her and hopefully gain some sort of clarity as to the events that have transpired in his absence.

Beach is a no-go - Tuesday, April 21, 2009

2009-06-19T10:49:00.000-04:00

Finally heard back from Spencer last night. He texted his dad saying that he and his girlfriend will not be joining us at the beach - which we already knew, but didn't have confirmation of until last night. At least I think it was Spencer. He apparently got his Easter card and gift - at least he said he did. Chris told him that we'd purchased his yearbook for him and he could talk to a specific teacher at school about it to pick it up when they arrive. Hope that works out.

We finally received copies of Spencer's school photos in the mail yesterday. I'd asked Spencer's mother about them in an email and was told by Spencer's step-father that he assumed that we'd received some from Chris' mom because Spencer's mom always sends photos to Chris' mom (Spencer's paternal grandmother). Well, she sent 1 wallet size photo to Chris' mom . . . there were none to share. We ordered our own from the school photographer and they arrived yesterday.

Its really a shame that Spencer feels that his dad and his dad's family are such awful people. He just doesn't realize the misinformation he's been fed, but maybe one day he will. There are teachers, musicians, and entrepreneurs in Spencer's family. He has a cousin that has climbed Mt. Everest but he doesn't even know that. Its sad, really really sad and one day maybe he'll change his mind. There will be cousins of Spencer's at the beach - cousins that are the same age that he is and he's not really had the chance to know them. That is sad.

Spencer's mom and step-dad accused me of telling lies about them in this blog, so for a short period of time, I've made it private and asked them to point out anything that was factually incorrect and I'd be glad to change it. I've not heard from them regarding this, so I'll be making it public again soon.

Sunday, April 12, 2009 - The Name Change . . . . Again

2009-06-19T10:48:00.000-04:00

Chris got another letter from Spencer's mother the week before last requesting that he allow Spencer to change his name. In her letter, she said that Spencer had "moved on" and that Chris should move on as well. How does one move on from a child? She made it sound like he should be able to get over his son like someone would get over an old girlfriend.
Chris asked that Spencer come to the beach in June with our family so that they can discuss this name change issue, among other things, face-to-face, for an entire week, without Spencer's mother's presence or influence. I doubt she'll let that happen.

Saturday, February 28, 2009 - Kidnapped in 2000

2009-06-19T10:44:00.002-04:00

Forgive me - my blog is not exactly in chronological order and I apologize for that. But, I found some photos today that I wanted to put up and make a few comments about before it slipped my mind. When Spencer lived with Chris and Spencer's mom was trying to get him back (I may or may not have mentioned this before . . . it happened before I met Chris), Spencer's mom's step-father overheard Spencer's mom making arrangements to take Spencer out of state and called Chris and told him. Apparently, she was planning to pick him up for a visit and take him to TN and not bring him back (which she did eventually, anyway . . .). Chris called his attorney for advice on what to do and his attorney advised him to "go on vacation" for a week or so until he could get a court order forbidding Spencer's mother to take him out of the state. That is what Chris did. Chris, his girlfriend at the time, Melanie, and Spencer went on vacation for a few days. Chris went to school, explained what was going on and got Spencer's work for the upcoming week and they headed to the coast. To this very day, Spencer's mom calls this a kidnapping and insists they were gone for 10 days. Not True and she would have known her son was back in school that week had she bothered to check.. Spencer really only missed 3 or 4 days of school - he was in school that same Friday of the week they left, coincidentally, the very day after the order was issued forbiding them to leave the state. Spencer's mother has claimed in court documents that they were gone for over 10 days and when Spencer returned he was "dirty, disheveled and appeared to not be taken very well care of" while they were gone. I found some photos from that trip and wanted to post them online so that - should anyone who knows them actually read this - I can disprove that claim, too. I only found these 3 today, but you can see, they all look fine. Since they were cruising around in Melanie's Lexus LS400, I seriously doubt they were lacking in much of anything . . .

Happy Birthday, Dad - Saturday, February 28, 2009

2009-06-19T07:50:00.014-04:00

Last week we celebrated my husband's 45th birthday. I just wish Spencer could have been there. The birthday dinner was postponed from its original date and time due to inclement weather and we ended up having dinner at my mother-in-law's on the 21st (last Saturday). It was a small dinner this year, just me and Chris, Helen, Chris's mom and Tim and 3 of his and Trish's kids. Jennifer had developed a fever and Trish stayed home with her. Helen fixed a wonderful dinner - she baked turkey! We had all the trimmings - Eric loves him some mashed potatoes and gravy! I made Chris his traditional red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting (actually his second this year, but he did not complain!) Scratch cakes with homemade frosting are just better, I think, don't you? YUMMY. It would have been nice if it had been Spencer that carried Chris' birthday cake to him while we all sang - but Mr. Dylan did a fine job. He's a good nephew and he loves him some Uncle Chris!! Here are just a few photos of our bittersweet birthday dinner without Spencer, again.

The Name Game - Wednesday, February 11, 2009

2009-06-19T07:49:00.000-04:00

We haven't heard from Spencer or his mother in quite some time. I think Spencer actually answered me on an instant message not too long ago, but one can never be sure if it was him, or if it was his mother. The same with his myspace page. One can never be sure if it is Spencer that is online, or if it is his mother. I feel sure she has his passwords to both and uses them freely.

I don't know, but I'm fairly sure, that she's still plotting and scheming, trying to find some way to change Spencer's last name from Davis to that of her current husband without Chris' knowledge or consent. She was trying this when we showed up on her door in 2006, I see no reason for her to stop now. If you read my previous blog entries, you'll remember how she tried to deceive the court into thinking that she could not find Chris by sending certified mail to old addresses - one they actually lived at when they were married, before 1995 - knowing that the mail would be returned to her. She sent certified mail to the wrong house number on our current street as well - and it was also returned. All this in an effort to prove that Chris had left the state and could not be found. People in TN probably believer her, too. She's very convincing.

She says that Spencer feels he is not a part of his family (in TN) because his name is different than that of his mother and sister and step-father and he needs his name to be the same to feel a part of their family. Apparently she thinks that Spencer is the only child on the face of the earth that is a part of a blended family! My one question is this - if Spencer doesn't feel a part of his own family, whose fault is that? I would say it is his mother's fault - after all, she's had pretty much total control over his upbringing since they moved to TN in 2000 and again in 2001 (in direct violation of a court order, no less). Why would Spencer feel that he's not a part of his family unless he'd been made to feel that way? I have many many friends that have blended families - and not one of them has attempted to change a child's name from his/her surname at birth.

Another question - has anyone told this very naive 16-year-old exactly what is involved in a name change? That it could possibly be confusing to reconcile medical records if they are in different locations, or that all of his school records would be in his birth name . . . not to mention the line at the social security office . . . and the DMV . .

Has anyone told this relatively naive 16-year-old that if he changes his surname to that of his step-father that he will be linked to and forever associated with a man that was convicted and served time for murdering a 2-year-old little boy - his own son, in fact! Has anyone told him that? It amazes me that a mother would want to forever link her son to that! I'd think she'd want to change her daughter's name to Davis to escape the stigma of having a convicted baby-murderer in their family!!

Today, I had an epiphany - Wednesday, February 04, 2009

2009-06-19T07:48:00.000-04:00

I finally figured it out. After all these months trying to figure out where Spencer's mother got the "Chris has been confined in a mental prison or mental hospital" - it just came to me. Instantaneously. When Chris' relationship with Spencer was better, back in 2006, they had several conversations about the time that they were not in contact - were not a part of each other's lives. Chris tried to explain to Spencer how miserable he was without him, how depressed he became and how he thought about him so much every day that he almost became consumed by it and it had an adverse effect on other parts of his life. When he told Spencer this, he said to him, "it was like I was in prison - a mental prison. I was basically mentally imprisoned by these thoughts of you and by how much I missed you to the point that I almost could not function". From this, that monster of a mother twisted my husband's statement about how miserable he was without his son into "Chris was confined to a mental prison or hospital" and he is a danger to Spencer and our family. My husband has no criminal record. My husband has no history of metal illness. I know this to be true. His ex-wife took a statement that he made to his son trying to explain how miserable he was without him and twisted it into something that she ultimately used to gain a restraining order.
Can you freakin believe that? What an evil person she is! I truly feel sorry her husband. I really think he is clueless. He is working overseas in conditions that I can only imagine are miserable, away from his family, away from his daughter and the only information that the has about what goes on in our situation is information that she provides him - and she lies. She's pretty much playing him for a fool - letting him fund her lifestyle and pay for their new house and pay her attorney fees - she even tried to have my husband's son adopted without Chris' knowledge and I'm sure he footed the bill for that too. Had to cost thousands - right out the window. Its hard to tell what kind of crap she fills his head with - sometimes I think she doesn't even know the lies from the truth any more. When we were there, I heard her insist to my husband that her mother went to court with her in 2000 when they last fought over custody and if I hadn't known better, I'd probably have believed her, she was SO convincing. But, I knew her mother passed away in 1996, and so did my husband. Sometimes I truly believe the woman is delusional . . . She'd have to have some sort of mental issue to keep her son - brainwash him - away from the family he has here. Over 70 family members - A HUGE FAMILY - that would offer him all the love and support they could. What mother wouldn't want that for her son?

Suffer the Children - Thursday, January 29, 2009

2009-06-19T07:46:00.015-04:00

I was asked to remove the information in this post by Spencer's step-father, as it deals with his personal life and family when he was about 4 years old.

2010 Update: I removed this post some time ago and saw no change in our situation, so I decided to put it back. The facts are the facts and the rest is my opinion and my experience.

During the course of this whole mess with Spencer's mom - and it is, indeed, a mess, I learned some things that were of particular concern to me. My mother-in-law had previously told me that Spencer's step-father was mean. I didn't really know what to take from that. Honestly, she tends to add drama to situations at times, so I was not overly concerned. We then had a conversation about Spencer's step-father and how his father had passed away and I made some sort of comment that he'd died at quite an early age and my mother-in-law told me that was not Spencer's step-father's biological father, but his adopted father (who was actually his biological uncle). Spencer's step-father had been adopted by his biological uncle when his real father had been imprisoned for murder. Yet again, I didn't pay my mother-in-law much attention - the drama thing and I had lots of other things going on in my life at the time, so I let it slide for a bit. But, when Spencer seemed really eager to move to NC to live with us - by Christmas (when his step-father would return to TN for a 30-day vacation from his job overseas) I started paying a little more attention and started doing some research. Spencer never told his father that he was actually abused or hurt in any way, but he did tell Chris that "they were just yelling and screaming at him" a lot (they, meaning his mother and step-father) and that they did not approve of him moving to NC to live with us. It seemed to me that everything changed when the step-father returned. Spencer's mom had previously been cordial to both me and Chris. She'd even discussed the possibility of Spencer moving to NC after he finished his Freshman year of high school. She let him come to NC to visit his family over Thanksgiving. We traveled to TN to visit Spencer and she even went to dinner with us while we were there. I was curious as to the background of the step-father and if or why his presence could cause things to turn around completely - from cordial to threatening, and this is what I found.

In this blog, I'm posting some information regarding a newspaper article that I located via newspaperarchive.com. Newspaperarchive.com is just what the name implies - a website that archives old newspaper articles that one can, for a minimal fee, search based on specific criteria. This particular article, entitled Suffer the Children, is an article written by a staff writer for the Atlanta Journal Constitution and appeared in their newspaper as a series of articles in 1989. The particular article that I was interested in pertains to the murder of 2-year-old Bobby Hendrick.

(if you click the images below, after you open them, they become larger and easier to read.)

Suffer The Children - Page 1

Suffer The Children - Page 2

Suffer The Children - Page 3

At the time, I wasn't sure that I'd located the correct family in GA, as my mother-in-law failed to tell me who Mr. Hendrick had murdered, so I did a little more searching and found the public State of Georgia Criminal record, also available online.

Criminal Inquiry - State of GA

Still, I didn't know FOR SURE that I had the right family, as the older brother's name was not mentioned in the article, so I attempted to contact Jane O. Hansen at the Atlanta Journal Constitution. Since this series of articles was published, Ms. Hansen has won a Pulitzer Prize for her writing to improve the social consciousness of the city and state. Her in-depth investigative reporting, especially regarding women in poverty, children, and the mentally ill, has earned her a national reputation in journalism and public policy. At first, I was unsuccessful in reaching Ms. Hansen. After two or three failed attempts, my email finally reached her. I was interested to see if she had any of her files or notes from this article - I wanted to know if the older, unnamed brother of the murdered Bobby Hendrick was, in fact, my husband's son's step-father. Unfortunately, Ms Hansen did not have her files or notes from 1989, but suggested that, if I had contact information for the foster parent named in the article, that she was sure she would be able to help me either confirm or deny that they were actually the same person. Ms. Read does not have a published telephone listing but I was able to find an old mailing address for her - but would she still live in the same little town in GA after 20 years? I wrote a letter to her explaining what information I was looking for and apologized up front if I had contacted the wrong person. She called me the day she got my letter. It took a few weeks to confirm that they were the same, but she did, in fact, confirm it. She still has her records, in a file cabinet, from every child she ever fostered. At first she was skeptical, but when I mentioned the name of the adoptive parents, she immediately knew. It took her a week or so to go through the records, but she did, and she called me to confirm that the older brother in the article was in fact my husband's son's stepfather. She also told me that the two little Hendrick boys were the last children she'd ever fostered, that she couldn't bring herself to do it again and have the state return the children to such circumstances. I asked her if, in her opinion, that the little boy that died, Bobby Hendrick, was the only child in that household that was abused, her exact words were, "oh, no, honey. They were ALL abused. They were all SEVERELY abused" and advised me to do whatever I could to help my husband's son.

There are different types of abuse - physical, mental, verbal, but abuse is still that - abuse. This information, in itself, does not prove, by any means, that my husband's son is also abused, but it does make it much more likely. Children of abusers are much more likely to abuse. It also helps me to understand the circumstances surrounding the events that occurred around Christmas of 2006. Spencer told Chris that he was being "yelled at and screamed at a lot" and he went from saying things like, "bring a truck to put my stuff in when you come to TN because I'm moving back to NC" to saying, upon the return of his stepfather, that he didn't want to come here anymore and then, ultimately telling the court that Chris had been in a mental prison or hospital and that he was afraid of him - that much I know to be true. Our court-appointed counselor in Clarksville told us that Spencer would have to be "completely ignorant or totally not paying attention" to not realize that Chris was indeed sincere during their joint counseling and that because Spencer lived in a "hostile environment" that Chris should temporarily back off for Spencer's sake, which he's done. Our attorney in Clarksville told us that it was a "typical textbook case of Parental Alienation and that she'd won - and there was not much we could do at this point in time" in August of 2008. At the very, very least, I believe that he was intimidated and now, brainwashed, by both his mother and his step-father - and that he will more than likely suffer irreparable psychological damage because of it.

Happy Thanksgiving Spencer - Saturday, November 29, 2008

2009-06-19T07:41:00.005-04:00

Happy Thanksgiving, Spencer. I hope you realize how much you are missed here in NC, but I doubt that you do. We went to dinner at your Uncle Tim's house on Thursday. It was fun, all the kids were there, except you. Your grandma Helen made the Turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy. Tim and Trish did the ham and sweet potatoes and bread. I did the deviled eggs and a peanut butter and chocolate trifle dessert and your dad made the green bean casserole. All in all it was a good day, but it was somewhat bittersweet because there was a very important person missing - YOU.

It was two years ago this week that you were here in NC with us. Remember that? It seems like such a long time ago. Little Dylan was put in the hospital and diagnosed with diabetes and we went to visit him. We visited with lots of family. Remember? We went to Uncle Joe and Gina's and you played video games with Shade. We went to Tim & Trish's and had dinner and you played more video games with Cody and Eric. You went to Penny and John's to see Harley, your very first girlfriend ever. We went to Hanging Rock State Park and took your cousin Josh with us and spent the day. On the way up there, we stopped at the lake to winterize Tim's camper and you told your dad you'd like to come back in the summer and spend some time up there with your family. Unfortunately, that didn't happen and I'm not really sure why, but I have a pretty good idea.

I know that you received the check that your dad sent to you in October. That $100 was meant for you - like he said in his card. It was meant for you to use to take your girlfriend out to dinner or to save to go to the junior prom in the spring. I just don't understand why your mom took it. When we looked at the image online from the bank, she had you sign it on the back, then write "pay to the order of {your mom's name} - not support". Of course it wasn't support, it wasn't intended to be support. It was intended for you. I just don't understand how a parent can take money from her own child.

I hope you had a good Thanksgiving, Spencer. I took this photograph at your Uncle Tim's and wanted to share it with you. You are what is missing.

Left to Right: Tim DAVIS, Cody DAVIS, Dylan DAVIS, Chris DAVIS, Helen DAVIS

To Spencer - Saturday, October 04, 2008

2009-06-19T07:23:00.007-04:00

Dear Spencer,

I hope that one day you will read this letter and understand the events in your life that have taken place over the last few years. When your dad and I spent time with you in 2006, both in TN and in NC, it was truly wonderful. Your father was happier than I had seen him in quite a while - he had re-established contact with his only child and he'd been trying to to that for a very long time.

When you told him that you wanted to live with us - move back to NC from TN - he started to hope that the two of you could actually repair the father-son relationship that all fathers and sons should have. He was so happy. After you surprised us and actually brought the subject up with your mom before your dad had the chance to do it, he really thought you were serious about getting to know this part of your family, and it is just that - YOUR FAMILY. You talked with your dad about moving back to NC. Your mom and dad had conversations about it on the phone. You talked with other people here about moving back to NC. And then we just don't know what happened. When your dad called to speak to you at Christmas in 2006, he was threatened. He was told if he called again, he'd be arrested for harassing telephone calls and that if he showed up in KY to see you, he'd be arrested for trespassing. That, coming from a mother who says she's "always promoted a relationship" between you and your father. I can only hope that as you get older, you will see what kind of manipulation that has occurred in your life. Your dad NEVER had the intention of trying to take you away from your family in TN - no matter what anyone tells you. But, you have a huge family here in NC that you should be allowed to know. Your family here consists of school teachers, business owners, musicians - some very successful people that could serve as positive role models, if you'd just give them the chance. I bet you didn't even know that you have a cousin that has climbed Mt. Everest, did you?

I just hope that it is not too late for you and your dad. When we walked up to your front door in Clarksville in September of 2006 - you're dad was so afraid that you'd reject him, but you did not. The look on your face was pure joy when you walked up to the door and saw him - and I know this because I was standing there, witness to the entire event. Within 5 minutes, you challenged him to a push-up contest because you'd just joined JROTC and you wanted to see who could do the most pushups. You went to dinner with us, along with your mom and sister, and you asked to spend the night with us, which turned into the entire weekend. The connection I saw between you and your dad was immediate and powerful - and that is why I hope it will always be there. When you were here, we stopped at the lake that day - the Saturday after Thanksgiving. You said that you'd like to spend time there the following summer - time with family that you'd reconnected with, so we did everything we could to make that happen. We bought a place on the lake - for you. Your dad spent every weekend building the deck at the lake - for you. We bought some jet-skis - for you and your dad to ride. We still go to the lake, but its bittersweet for your dad because Tim and his kids are there . . .Uncle Joe brings his boat and his family, but the missing key ingredient is YOU.

He is your father and you are his son and nothing will ever change that, but I can only hope that you haven't damaged your relationship beyond repair. During the last two years, you have actively and willingly participated in a campaign of hate against your dad and for the life of me, I cannot figure out why you would do that. It is unnatural for a child to not love both parents. When your dad was served with a restraining order based on lies that you swore were true in an attorney's office, he didn't give up, because he loves you. He just couldn't understand how his son could have told people that he was "a danger because he had been in a mental prison". That is just absurd and just not true and you know that because you admitted it. When you were in counseling and refused to even look your father in the eye when you spoke to him, he realized he had lost this fight and that you are no longer the son who once loved him and who he loved more than anything in this world. I can only hope that one day you will realize how hurtful and mean you have been to your father and that your actions may one day have consequences.

For reasons that are unknown to me, you completely changed your opinion of your dad without any contact from us, so I can only assume that your mother had something to do with that and that opinion was reinforced after your joint counseling session with your dad. Your father was advised to stop trying to be a part of your life because of "the hostile environment in which you live". Do you know what that means? He was told that the harder he pushes to be a part of your life the harder your mother would push to keep him out and as long as you are in that environment - that house with your mother - it will not change, and this creates a bad environment for you to live in.

So, know this if you know nothing else. If your father stops trying to be a part of your life, it is because he loves you and he is putting your welfare before his own feelings and because that is what he was advised to do. The counselor in Clarksville told him that you would have to have not been paying attention to anything that transpired in that office to not realize he was sincere in what he was saying to you. Your father is sincere in his love for you and his desire to be in your life. I know it, the counselor knows it and I think you know it deep down inside and I can only hope that at some point you are willing to acknowledge it.

Your dad loves you, Spencer. He always has and he always will and there will always be a place for you in this family. I just want to make sure that you know that.

Here is just a little proof:

Photobucket

No Child Left Behind - Friday, August 29, 2008

2009-06-19T07:21:00.001-04:00

I just clicked on Chris' ex-wife's Myspace page and this is what it says (its a private page, but you can still see this), "The most challenging job you will ever have as an adult, is making sure your children are successful in life. Their needs and desires come before your own.".

That is AMAZING for me to read - because her 8-year-old daughter just failed second grade! She's repeating it again this year. Although I am not a parent, many of my friends that can read this page are and I have a question for you - In the age of "No Child Left Behind" - how difficult is it for a child to actually fail an entire grade and be held back?

I feel so sorry for that little girl and for her father. I think he's clueless - at her mercy while he's working his butt off in a place that I can only imagine is miserable . . . every day that he is there. He has no first-had knowledge of anything that happens in his daughter's life - only his wife's accounting of things and I've already seen that she wouldn't know the truth if it bit her in the ass. I can't imagine how he feels - he left his only child in the care of his wife while he risked his life working in Iraq to earn enough money to support her and she failed miserably at getting their daughter through the second grade!

At least Spencer had Chris' influence for the first 9 years of his life. Most folks that know him see him as a really good kid. We can see how the child she raised with her second husband, who is overseas more than he is home, is able to function in the real world. She's not.

Defies Logic and Reason - Saturday, August 16, 2008

2009-06-19T07:19:00.001-04:00

Chris had his first and more than likely last counseling session with his son yesterday. Spencer sat in the counselor's office with a smirk on his face like he was enjoying causing his father great pain when he repeatedly said, "I just want him to go away". Although the counselor acknowledged Chris' love for Spencer and Chris' right to be in Spencer's life, but Spencer's feelings, no matter how he got them, are the most important thing. He described the scenario to Chris as his: Where Spencer lives and who he lives with resemble a fort. When Chris continues to try to be a part of Spencer's life, Spencer sees that as attacking that fort and those inside fight it so Spencer joins - to protect the fort from Chris' intrusion. The harder Chris tries to love his son and be a part of his life, because of the hostile environment in which his son lives, the fighting becomes worse and will continue to worsen. The counselor acknowledged Chris' emotion - and truly believes that Chris loves his son, but advised if he does love his son, he should walk away. He believes no further counseling will help and no further court proceedings are necessary.

What Chris' son did yesterday was one of the most cold and cruel things I can imagine. He let Chris briefly glimpse into his life by spending time with him and starting to rebuild their father/son relationship - even to the point that he told his mother that he wanted to move to NC. Chris was overjoyed at the prospect of being a father to his son. That's all he wanted to be. Then, after Spencer's mother found out how close they were getting and strongly disapproved, Spencer abruptly jerked his affections away and told Chris that he never wanted to see him again. I truly hope that one day he realizes the consequences of his actions and what what he did was cold and callous and just plain mean. But, Spencer is proving that he is his mother's son.

Our attorney told us that it is a CLASSIC case of parental alienation and that she got away with it, that Chris should seek counseling to learn how to deal with his grief.

I hurt so bad for him. There is NOTHING I can do to make this better.

Friday, August 08, 2008 - unfortunate turn of events

2009-06-19T07:18:00.000-04:00

We've had an unfortunate setback in our continued effort for Chris to be a part of Spencer's life. For a brief period of time, we had contact with Spencer's girlfriend and she was very kind and helpful. She provided us with information about Spencer, mainly . . . things like his current clothing sizes and current shoe size, because his mother wouldn't even respond to a request for those. Unfortunately, I'm afraid all of that came to an end yesterday. Spencer's mother found out about our communication and has pulled out all the stops to end it. She invited the girlfriend over for dinner to tell her the truth about "her new friend". I'm sure she's painted Chris out to be some evil person. I'm sure she told many lies and unfortunately, being 8 hours away, there is not much we can do about it. She cant let anyone who knows them have any contact with Chris or anyone who knows or likes Chris because then the truth about her motives and actions would be exposed. We were very close this time.

Chris called the court-appointed psychologist and he basically told us that there's nothing we can do about it. That the harder Chris tries to be a part of Spencer's life, the harder Spencer's mother would try to keep him out - even if it meant manufacturing things to use as proof. He told us that if Spencer is now adamant that Chris not talk to the girlfriend (he was ok with it until his mother found out and told him how WRONG it was) that he probably should not because it would just drive him further away, but perhaps I could still talk to her because I'm not seen as the evil one. Ha - that's funny. Anyway, there was a big blow out, I'm sure and now Spencer is forbidding his girlfriend to even chat with us online and we don't know what happened.

We had a good thing while it lasted . . . and I'd hoped we'd made a new friend, but at least we did find out Spencer's current clothing and shoe sizes so we've been able to buy a few things for him to have to start school, but he probably won't accept them now.

Its really funny, or maybe not so funny, that this all happened during the week before Chris is to have his first joint counseling session with his son. It will be the first time he's been able to sit and talk to him without his mother present in almost 2 years.

Wish us luck next week. We go to Clarksville for the counseling session on the 15th of August, but I'm anticipating that she won't show up. She'll use this as an excuse to keep Spencer from going. If there is any way she can cancel the counseling session after we've driven 8 hours specifically for it, I'm sure she will.

Things I’ve learned - April 1, 2008

2009-06-19T07:15:00.003-04:00

Things I’ve learned

Now that I've gotten most of the initial court proceedings out of the way, I'll detail some of the things that I've learned throughout this process. I'll try to differentiate between things I know to be fact and things I just suspect based on evidence that I've uncovered since this mess started. We've had a nice long break between court dates and I've been quite busy.

A few things I know to be true, even though some of them took place before I met Spencer's Dad. I've talked with friends of the family and even made contact with the 2nd wife and the girlfriend who lived with Spencer and Chris.

Spencer's mother has been trying to change his name from Davis to her new married name since he was in the second grade. He is now 16. It started with the ceremony where Spencer "graduated" from 2nd grade and was to walk across the stage and accept a "diploma" rolled and tied with a ribbon. Spencer had been back living with his mother for barely a few months at this time and when Chris arrived for the ceremony, the teacher pulled him aside and informed him that Spencer's mother had requested that his "certificate" be made out with her new name, not Davis and that he be called the new name when he walked across the stage. Chris stopped this nonsense and this did not happen, but she's still trying, to this day, to have his name changed.

When Spencer was 9, his mother took him to TN in direct violation of a court order that mandated that she continue to reside in Guilford County, NC until matters between her and Chris were resolved. She convinced Chris to sign a document allowing her to move to TN (still without court approval) if she promised to bring him back to visit at specific dates and times (which she ended up not doing), but, after looking at the documents, we determined that Spencer had already been to TN, been enrolled in school and started attending classes before Chris signed that document and without Chris' knowledge.

Clarksville, here we come August 7, 2008

We're heading to Clarksville Friday, August 15, for joint counseling and we're still having lunch with Chris' son's girlfriend and her mother. Sweet! We are excited to meet her, although we don't anticipate much success at counseling.

Wish us luck!

After Easter 2007 - the beginning of the Court Battle

2009-06-19T07:14:00.002-04:00

Chris and I stayed in Clarksville through the weekend so that we could be there Monday morning and possibly get an appointment with an attorney. We'd been to the courthouse and found that we could have spent about $150 to get his "foreign order" enforced, so that's what we were going to try to do. We saw an attorney and came back to NC on Monday afternoon.

When Spencer's mother threatened that Chris "would be sorry", and told him "its ON now" standing in her driveway in TN, I had no idea the extremes that this woman would go to to keep Chris and his son apart. We'd been home about a week and were cooking dinner together one evening when there was a knock on our front door. Chris answered and was served with documents from a court in Clarksville, TN. He didn't even want to read them at the moment so I did. This woman had made her son sign an affidavit in her attorney's office that said he was afraid of Chris, that Chris had threatened to hurt his entire family and kill his step-father and that Chris had told him that he had been in some sort of mental institution or mental prison. I could not believe my eyes. What kind of woman plants ideas (lies) like this in her own son's head and then forces him to sign an affidavit swearing that it is true? She must really be a monster. She didn't even have his age correct on the affidavit - it said he was 15 and he was only 14. Throughout the course of events, I'd learned that she'd told Spencer lies - like the one about Chris only wanting Spencer to move to NC so that he could collect child support from his step-father (not legally possible . . .), but I never imagined that she'd go to these lengths. I knew Chris had never been in jail - hell, I did a background check on him before I let him move in with me in 2004 and I was certain he'd not been in jail since. I talked to Chris' mother - and eventually his father and brother and told them of her accusation of Chris' mental illness - and they were just dumbfounded. My mother-in-law told me that she didn't even think Chris had ever even been to counseling!

We set about finding an attorney in Clarksville and responding to the summons and restraining order. It became painfully obvious to me that Spencer's mother is one of those women who knows how to play the system - and does. She knows that any accusation of domestic violence or any threat will be taken seriously and investigated - and that she didn't need any proof at all (because she had none).

We found an attorney and prepared evidence and planned to go to court at the beginning of May 2007. We also had an attorney in NC who assured us that the case should originate in NC, not TN, because NC was the "home state" in the original case and continued to be because at least one of the parents still resided here.

May 7, 2007

Although the hearing was May 7, it took until August to get the order signed by the judge:

ORDER

This matter came on to be heard on the 4th day of May, 2007 upon the Motion to Dismiss Temporary Restraining Order for Lack of Subject Matter Jurisdiction from which the Court declines to exercise jurisdiction in this matter until the same has been presented to the Court of North Carolina. The Court will keep the temporary restraining order in place until said time as the North Carolina Courts act.

It is so ordered this 1st day of August 2007

Basically, the motion was dismissed for lack of jurisdiction and sent back to NC.

August 15, 2007

The state of NC declined to exercise jurisdiction and we were sent back to TN.

September 15, 2007

Guardian ad Litem - and the saga continues

Chris and I could drive from Greensboro to Clarksville with our eyes closed, I think. We’ve driven that route so many times in the last year. We went back to TN for our court date in early September so the court could hear our motion to have a guardian ad litem appointed to look out for Chris’ son’s best interests. Not sure exactly why, but Chris’ ex didn’t even bother to show up. That’s uncharacteristic so far . . . perhaps she just forgot, or was too busy. Anyway, whatever the reason, we had the guardian appointed and we now have until early October to present her with documentation and evidence for our case. Chris’ ex will have the same opportunity and then the guardian will also, at some point, speak with Chris’ son. We return to TN in early October for the outcome of those first sessions and to hear recommendations from the guardian.

Those of you that know us, know how desperately Chris loves and misses his son and how Chris loves kids and kids love Chris. Keep your fingers crossed or pray for us or just send good thoughts our way.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Clarksville, TN - what a lovely town!

Chris and I traveled to Clarksville, TN on Thursday for a court date on Friday. We found out at about 4 PM Clarksville time, when we were about 1 mile from the B&B where we were to stay, that our case would be continued because the guardian ad litem that had been appointed hadn't had the chance to go through all the information she had been provided. Lovely. We went to court on Friday at 9 AM as usual but this time we were only there about a half-hour or 45 minutes. A date was set to hear both motions - his mother's motion for parenting plan and Chris' motion to modify custody so that he's the custodial parent. We go back for that in MAY 2008. Can you believe that?? 7 more months will go by and Chris won't be able to see his son and his mother will have 7 more months to fill his head with crap, as she's been doing since he told her he wanted to move to NC to live with us. Its heartbreaking. At least the guardian ad litem has gotten him into counseling. Hopefully, that will help with things. On the bright side, we got to have a nice dinner with our new friends in Clarksville! We've been there so much that we met some people and made some friends! I actually added up the miles we've driven since Labor Day 2006 and we've logged 11,000 miles to Clarksville and back to see Spencer or to try to see Spencer or to go to court regarding Spencer. That's a lot of miles! I guess I won't have any more updates regarding this until we go back to court next year, unless the guardian finds something that she thinks needs attention before then - then she'll file a motion for that and we'd go back to court before May.

March 31, 2007

2009-06-19T07:10:00.001-04:00

Chris and I had spent the previous night in a hotel in Clarksville. We drove by Spencer's mother's new house about 11:50 AM, stopped and Chris knocked on the front door. No answer. He knocked again. Still no answer, so we left. About 20 minutes or so later, Spencer's mother called Chris' cell phone left a message. She said that her neighbor had called her to tell her that someone had stopped by and knocked on the door and she wanted to see if it was him and if she needed to "run back by the house". Chris called her back within just a few minutes and they were already home. He told her he would head that way.

Chris had already been to the local police department to see if he could get assistance with visiting his son. He had his copies of the custody agreement from NC which clearly stated that Easter Vacation in odd years was to be spent with Chris. He was told to dial 911 when he needed assistance, but he wasn't comfortable doing that, so we stopped at the intersection of Trenton and Tiny Town road, just up from Spencer's high school. There was lots of road construction going on and there were several police officers there directing traffic. Chris approached one and explained the situation and was told that this particular officer was off-duty, but if he'd wait, the officer would radio for someone to assist him. We waited. The officer showed up in a matter of minutes and looked over our documentation. We gave him the address and followed him to Spencer's house. When we arrived Chris knocked on the door and when Spencer's mother saw that a city police offcer had accompanied Chris, the proverbial shit hit the fan.

* Spencer's mother was immediately on the telephone with her attorney (for about 45 minutes) trying to find some reason that Spencer would not have to return to NC with us for his Easter Vacation

* Spencer's mother told Chris, in front of Spencer, that the only reason that Spencer had wanted to come to NC at Thanksgiving was because he'd never known his dad - all he knew of his dad was from pictures.

* Chris told Spencer's mother that she didn't have to pack clothes (which she was starting to do) for Spencer, that we had clothes for him in NC (which we did - from the Thanksgiving visit) and she yelled at Chris, "I would never send my child anywhere with you without clothes - you've NEVER provided anything for Spencer (again, wrong. I unpacked the boxes of clothes in my husbands attic, washed them and gave the ones that fit to his nephews and sold the rest on Ebay)

* Spencer's mother told Chris, in front of Spencer, that the entire time they lived on the Army base that Chris had only called 1 time - 1 time in 3 years. (again, I find this hard to believe. I don't have phone records, but I do have invoices where Chris bought groceries - practically a whole pallet of them - and had them drop shipped to her apartment, on base)

* Spencer's mother accused Chris of never having an interest in Spencer and that she's always had to track Chris down to spend time with him - just like she did today! (see photos for proof THAT'S not true. Also, did she think we drove 8 freakin hours to TN to avoid her and NOT see Spencer?)

* Spencer's mother asked Chris why, after 14 years, was he interested in Spencer (again, see photos)

* Spencer's mother told Chris - and I heard this - that he was going to pay for this - that it was ON now

* Spencer's younger 1/2 sister, who was 6 years old at the time, came up to Chris and told him that he was a bad person and that she didn't want Spencer to go with him and neither did her mother. Chris did tell the sister that if Spencer didn't go, that her mom might go to jail. Throughout this whole nasty ordeal, that's the only time I've seen my husband lose his composure. I can't imagine how he's done it because I know that I would not have been able to remain as calm as he has when faced with the outright lies from this woman.

* At some point, Spencer's mother told Chris that he shouldn't even be there that he should have been served with papers from the court in TN already. Apparently they'd tried to serve him on Friday but Chris had left for TN on Thursday night, so they were unable to locate him. Chris asked her who she was going to get to go to court and lie for her this time like she did in 2000 - her sister (that had lied for her before) was dead now. She screamed back at him, "my MOTHER went to court with me in 2000." Upon further review, her mother passed away in 1996, according to the SSDI.

* Spencer's mother's attorney finally came up with a loophole in Chris' custody documents that contained the visitation schedule. Because the documents were several years old, they stated his spring vacation as EASTER VACATION and Spencer's school calendar called it SPRING BREAK. Because of this, Chris was not allowed visitation with his son.

March 30, 2007

2009-06-19T07:07:00.003-04:00

Chris and I had planned to travel to TN in the hope that at the very least we'd get to spend some time with Spencer and at the most, get to bring him back to NC for the week so he could visit with more of his family. I had to be out of town on business so we'd planned for Chris to drive to TN alone and I was to fly from D.C. into Nashville on Friday afternoon and he'd pick me up from the airport. Chris left early, as he wanted to meet with Spencer's teachers. Spencer was failing many of his classes and apparently there'd been some issue of truancy, as Spencer called Chris early in the year and accused him of calling social services on his mother to try to make her look bad. Spencer didn't realize that missing 21 days of school in your 1st period class - IN ONE SEMESTER - was enough to be considered truant. We knew about that his attendance was poor, but the phone call from Spencer was the first we'd heard about any sort of investigation or hearing.

Chris went to NEHS to talk to the guidance counselor and assistant principal, but Spencer's counselor was out that day and they were preparing for some sort of "wacky tacky day assembly" and the assistant principal told Chris that he was more than welcome to sit with Spencer if he wanted to. And he would have, had Spencer been in school that day. He apparently had strep throat again.

Spencer called Chris again on Friday evening to tell him not to come to TN. he told him he didn't want to see him and didn't want to spend time with him and he was not coming back to NC with him. He didn't realize that Chris was already in TN, had visited his school that morning, and was waiting on me at the airport in Nashville.

What I would like to know is this: how does a 14-year-old child go from telling his father to "bring a truck to put my stuff in" at Christmas to "I don't want to see you or spend time with you" at Easter - without any contact from either his father or me during that time period? I have a pretty good idea . . .

Some time during the first month of the year, I'm guessing when Spencer's mother HAD to go to the school to deal with the truancy issue and Spencer's suspension from school, she found out about Chris' account on K12 Planet. Apparently the school staff gave her the login credentials because soon after, when I tried to log in to the site, I could not. I immediately contacted the school and was told that the login worked just fine - and they emailed the username and password to me - and it had been changed! Spencer's mother didn't set her own account up - she changed Chris' username and password and didn't give it to us! (We used these credentials for the remainder of the school year.)

Later in the year, at the end of the 3rd 9-week grading period, I'd emailed Spencer's mother asking about his report card because the website didn't post final grades, you had to wait for the report card to be sent home. I wanted to know if he'd brought his grades up because he'd failed one class for the entire semester and also failed 5 out of his 6 semester exams the first semester (could have had something to do with being taken out of school to go to Disney the week they had reviews, but that's just my opinion) and she outright lied to me! She scanned a copy of his prior grades and sent them to me to try to pass them off as current and then got pissy in an email when I caught her in it! She sure is a piece of work.

January - March 2007

2009-06-18T22:49:00.000-04:00

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Chris had tried to get in touch with Spencer's mother on several occasions regarding Easter vacation to no avail. Chris sent notes with each child support check from December to February asking her to call so they could make arrangements but she never did. He called and left messages and she never returned his calls. With the child support check at the beginning of March, he included a letter that said he expected to pick Spencer up on the 31st and would return him the following weekend, as we'd done for the previous Thanksgiving. We sent it certified mail, return receipt. The letter was signed for and the check was cashed, but still no word.

I'd emailed Spencer's mother in February to tell her that I had some pictures of Spencer and his cousin from the day we spent at Hanging Rock State Park over the Thanksgiving break and I'd be glad to send them to her if she wanted. I'd sent some pictures to Spencer earlier and I wanted to check to see if he'd received them. She emailed me with a list of reasons why Spencer would be busy at Easter, told me he wanted to change his name and tried to convince me that Chris is an awful person. Needless to say, I guess she didn't much care for the response she got because we didn't email any more after that.

The day they received the letter from Chris Spencer called Chris to tell him not to bother coming to TN. He wasn't coming back to NC with him. Chris told Spencer that he was coming anyway, that he wanted to see him. He asked Spencer what he though about us getting the cabin again and he said that'd be "cool".

Dec 2006 Thanksgiving to Christmas and Christmas without Spencer

2009-06-18T22:46:00.004-04:00

Thursday, December 28, 2006

In the days that followed Thanksgiving, Spencer and Chris talked on the phone daily, sometimes up to 4 or 5 times. They discussed him moving here and the best way to go about broaching the subject with his mother. Chris suggested that Spencer make a list of pros and cons for each location so that when they made their argument to his mother that they would have valid reasons for the move and not just "because I want to". Over a period of days both Chris and I talked with Spencer on the phone and we developed such a list and the reasons that stood out the most to me were 1) because everyone in NC is just nicer to me and 2) because I just seem happier there. How sad is that?

Spencer was very anxious to get this plan rolling - so anxious, in fact, he broached the subject with his mother without us knowing about it. Her first response was, "absolutely not, never". After some discussion with both Chris and Spencer, she switched to "not in the middle of the school year, but after school is out we can talk about it more".

Chris investigated schools here to see how difficult it would be for Spencer to make the move. Spencer told both Chris and other family members and friends that he wanted to be here by Christmas if he could, so Chris investigated him moving in the middle of the school year and discovered that the schools in Guilford County did "block" scheduling, while his school in TN had traditional class scheduling so it would be difficult for him to accumulate enough credits to graduate without going to summer school. Chris called Spencer and told him this and Spencer's reaction was, "well, summer school wouldn't be THAT bad". It seemed to us that Spencer was very anxious to make the move and to do it quickly and we were about to find out the reason why.

Spencer's step-father was working in Iraq and was to return in December for a vacation that would last a few weeks. Once he returned, the telephone calls from Spencer abruptly stopped. Chris would call and leave messages but they would not be returned. We didn't hear from Spencer again until December 1st. When Chris and Spencer finished their conversation, Chris told him he'd call him again tomorrow and Spencer asked him not to - and told him that he (Spencer) would call him (Chris).

Several days went by with no word from Spencer, so Chris left a few messages but the calls went unanswered. We finally heard from Spencer again on December 8th - he was in Orlando with his mother, step-father and little sister. They'd gone to a water park that day and Spencer told him that his mom had taken him out of school to go to Disney for 5 days.

Spencer called again the evening of December 12th and told him that he was now home. They chatted a bit about his vacation, his upcoming school exams and what each of them had done in the previous few days when they hadn't been in contact. Spencer called back the evening of the 13th of December and we both spoke with him. I answered Chris' cell phone because he was "unavailable" (i.e. "in the bathroom") when it rang and I asked Spencer if he was going to be able to come to NC for any of his Christmas vacation and his reply was, "I'm gonna come whether I get to or not" - and I said, "oh, really? Just how do you plan to pull that one off?" and he replied, "I don't know, but I'm coming." When Chris talked to him, he also mentioned his upcoming Christmas vacation and told Spencer that he'd again come and get him and bring him back if he got to come visit for Christmas and Spencer's reply was, "Just bring a U-Haul to put my stuff in".

Spencer called Chris back later that same night, about 10:15 (our time, he's 1 hour behind us) and he sounded very different, somber almost when he spoke to us this time. His voice had a monotone quality and he actually said very few words, but the words he did say had enormous meaning. Spencer told Chris that he didn't want to come to NC any more and Chris asked him what he meant - that he didn't want to come to live or he didn't want to come for Christmas? He replied that he didn't know, he just didn't want to come to NC any more. He was very abrupt and didn't talk long at all. Chris asked him if his mom and step-dad were giving him a hard time and he said, "a little". Chris told him not to worry about it, that they'd talk about it later, just try to concentrate on doing well on his semester exams the next day and they'd work it all out later. Boy, were we wrong.

Chris tried to call Spencer the next day and was unsuccessful in reaching him and he began to worry a bit so he called and emailed Spencer's homeroom teacher on the morning of Friday, December 15 and explained to her that he'd been trying to contact him and could not and asked her to please let Spencer use his cell phone at school to call him, which she did. Chris asked Spencer what was going on and if he felt safe or if anyone had been abusive to him and he said that nobody had been physically abusive, but they (his mom and step-dad) were just yelling and screaming at him a lot. Chris told Spencer if he wanted him to come to TN and get him right then, that he would and Spencer said he didn't know, but that he needed to go because he had an exam to finish.

Spencer text messaged me later that afternoon and told me that he was going to speak to his mom and step-dad again about coming to NC. Later in the evening, he text messaged his dad and told him that they still did not approve of it. Communication with Spencer became increasingly sporadic after his step-father return from Iraq, but he did manage to call a few times from the cell phone that we'd given him that was on our wireless plan - nobody could track him with that, but that eventually ended, too.

The morning of Wednesday, December 20, Spencer text messaged both Chris and me. I asked him, via text message, if I could call him later and he said yes. I got busy at work and didn't get to, so I text messaged him at approximately 5:45 and asked him if it was ok to call him now and he said "no, please wait because his step-dad was going to have his phone". So, I waited and did not text message or call him until Friday, the 22nd.

On the afternoon of December 23, Chris left Spencer's mother a message on her cell phone asking what day would be a good day to pick Spencer up for a visit over Christmas. Chris also left a message on Spencer's cell phone saying pretty much the same thing. That evening, I text messaged both of Spencer's phones during dinner and told him Merry Christmas and that we loved him. At approximately 8:40 PM (our time) Chris called Spencer's cell phone (not the one we gave him) and it rang three times, was answered and then hung up. Chris called back immediately and the phone went directly to voice mail, like it had been turned off.

We knew that Spencer was visiting his step-grandmother in KY and had an idea where they lived from Spencer's mom - she'd told us once that it was about an hour and a half to drive from Clarksville. So, via the internet, we were able to find her telephone number and Chris called the house. When the step-grandmother answered the phone, Chris identified himself and asked to speak to Spencer. The phone was given to Spencer's mother who immediately began screaming into it. She yelled at Chris for things that she said happened - real or perceived - over 10 years ago. She accused Chris of trying to spoil her family Christmas by calling to speak to his son. She eventually hung up on him. Chris called back again and asked to speak to Spencer and she started yelling at him again and he told her that he wanted to see Spencer over his Christmas holiday and that he could come to either TN or KY - which would she prefer that he do? Then she started threatening him and told him that if he came to KY to her mother-in-law's house that he would be arrested for trespassing and that if he called the house again she'd have him arrested for harrassing telephone calls and she hung up on him again and he did not get to speak to Spencer.

On Christmas Eve, we were driving over to Chris' brother's house when Chris' cell phone rang and the caller ID showed Spencer's mother's name and number so he answered and it was Spencer. Spencer was very abrupt with Chris and told him that he did not want to come to NC for Christmas and asked him twice how he got his step-grandmother's telephone number because it was an unlisted number (it was not, we got it online). He then said he had to go and then hung up.

Christmas Day - I had text messaged Spencer on December 23rd to tell him Merry Christmas and that we missed him. He responded on Christmas Day from the Sprint phone we purchased for him and said Merry Christmas. We were all in the movies (Me, Chris, his brother, his brother's wife and their 4 children) and I'd missed a call from him and missed the text message. I text messaged him back and told him to call again when he could. He did, he said Merry Christmas and tell "Chris" Merry Christas. I told him the boys were in the other room playing video games and asked him if he wanted to talk to them and he said, "no, not really". I then heard a woman's voice in the background (I assume it was his mother, but I'm not 100% sure) but I couldn't tell what she said and then Spence said he had to go and hung up.

December 29, 2006 - We drove to TN to see Spencer for the last few days of his vacation from school We decided not to press the issue in KY or TN while the step-father was home because it seemed to both of us that his re-appearance had ignited this situation - for whatever reason - and Chris did not want to cause a nasty scene in front of his son - he felt that would be upsetting to him. We'd recently learned some information about the step-father's upbringing and the conditions surrounding his legal adoption by his biological uncle, and that, combined with the things that Spencer had told us and the fact that things seemed to change drastically when he'd re-appeared led both Chris and me to think that things might not be as they'd appeared to be within the household and we didn't want to be responsible for escalating the situation any further. The step-father had left the day before to return to Iraq to work so we headed back to Clarksville. I rented the cabin at Still Water Farm again and Chris called Spencer and told him and he said that'd be "cool".

When we arrived, Spencer was home playing video games with a friend. Chis called Spencer's mother, who was not home, to let her know we were there. Both Chris and I fully expected a tirade when she found out we were there, especially after the multile hang-ups at Christmas, but she was cordial on the phone, told Chris to go on inside to see Spencer and that she was on her way back from Sears and that she'd be home in just a few minutes. Spencer ended up staying that night at home because his friend was spending the night and we picked him up the next day and he spent the night of the 30th with us. Chris came out to the car to wait on Spencer while he gathered his things and he was visibly upset - he said that Spencer barely spoke to him while he was inside (with his mother present) and acted like he was more interested in his video games. I told him it could just be that he didn't want his mom to see that he really wanted to spend time with him to just wait and see how things played out when Spencer got in the car. Spencer eventually got his things out to the car and we loaded up and headed back to the cabin. On the way out of the driveway, once the doors were closed, Chris told Spencer that he could stop calling him "Chris" and start calling him "Dad" now and Spencer's response was, "well, that was for her". Spencer spent the night and we took him home on December 31st. That was the last time Chris spent any time with his son.

Nov 2006 Thanksgiving with Spencer in NC

2009-06-18T22:44:00.007-04:00

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Chris had been in contact with Spencer's guidance counselor by now and we'd had access to his grades via the K12-Planet website since October and he knew that Spencer was doing poorly in school. We scheduled a meeting with Spencer's teachers and guidance counselor for 7 AM on Tuesday morning - the day we were supposed to pick him up after school, at about 2:20. We had driven to Clarksville thru the evening and night and arrived in the wee hours of the morning and secured a hotel room in the hopes that we could grab a few hours sleep before we went to the teacher conference and then after the conference (with the help of a late check-out) and before we picked Spencer up. We met with Spencer's counselor and all of his teachers at 7 AM to see if there was any thing that we could do, from 550 miles away, to help him with his grades. Spencer's English teacher called me MOM. Even though they lived just about a mile from the school, his teachers had apparently not yet met his mother.

Chris and I arrived back at the school and waited outside for Spencer to come after his last class but the bell rang and no Spencer. We'd previously arranged it with Spencer that we'd pick him up, but he was no where to be found. The kids were thinning out and getting on buses and into cars with their parents, but no Spencer, so Chris called him and he was already at home. His mother had taken him out of school early so that he could pack his clothes for the trip to NC. We loaded up the car with Spencer and his things and headed out for NC. We arrived late Tuesday night.

Wednesday, Helen came over for breakfast and Spencer went home with her for a few hours to help her put up her tree while I ran some last minute errands and did some grocery shopping. Chris took the opportunity to finish up a job he'd been working on but was home by early afternoon. We stayed in that night because we were tired. Spencer's mother called him to check to see how he was doing and the volume on his cell phone was turned up so loud that we could hear what she was saying to him. She was basically badgering him to ask Chris about changing his surname from Davis to that of his step-father. She asked him more than once if he'd asked Chris yet an he said no. Spencer didn't bring the subject up at all - but Chris did. He'd heard what his mother was asking him and talked to Spencer about it and explained to him why he couldn't let that happen. (We eventually came to believe that the only reason Spencer's mother agreed to let him come to NC was because she'd instructed him to ask Chris about and talk him into letting him change his name - and when that did not work, she didn't let him come back). We later cooked and had dinner in and Chris and Spencer played board games. After dinner, we got a call from Chris' brother, Tim, and he told us that his youngest son, Dylan, had been hospitalized. The next day he would be diagnosed with Type 1 (juvenile) diabetes and his blood sugar level was dangerously high. We still planned to have dinner at Tim's on Thursday, but the holiday had taken on a much more serious tone.

We gathered at Tim's for dinner and Helen joined us and Spencer played a lot of video games with Cody and Eric, but we weren't quite as festive as we typically are as a group due to Dylan's hospitalization, so we took turns visiting him in the hospital. When we went, Chris, Spencer, Trish and I all drove over in my Jeep and stayed for as long as we could later in the afternoon.

On Friday, we went to Hanging Rock State park and climbed and hiked and took our lunch and spent the day. Chris had previoiusly called Spencer's 1st cousin on his mother's side, Josh, and invited him to go with us and he was excited to go. The four of us had a large time! On the way to Hanging Rock, we stopped up at Tim's spot on the lake (Belews Lake) and winterized his camper for him. At the time, there was an empty spot next to Tim's and we told Spencer that we were thinking about getting our own camper and putting it next to his so that we could spend time up at the lake with the family and asked if that was something that he'd like to do the following summer and he said that he would - that it would be "cool" and he'd try to come for the whole summer if he could.

After we came back from Hanging Rock, we took Josh to his dad and then went home and changed clothes and went to Uncle Joe & Gina's for pizza. Spencer hadn't seen Tess and Shade (cousins) for ages and he played video games with Shade in the basement until we were so tired we had to go home.

On Saturday, we slept in a little and then Chris and Spencer took a trip over to John and Penny's so that Spencer could see their daughter Harley (his very 1st girlfriend ever). I stayed home and tidied up the house a bit and did a little laundry so that Spencer wouldn't take home all dirty clothes. They also stopped by Tim's to pick up Spencer's video games that he'd left behind the day before. We then went to Pinnacle to visit with my friends, Debi and Noah and so that Spencer could meet their daughter, Katarina, who is Spencer's age. Spencer thought Katarina was HOT - we then stopped by Grandma Helen's on the way home for one last visit and came home and went to bed.

On Sunday, we got up about 4ish and got ready to drive Spencer home. We drove the 8 hours to Clarksville to drop Spencer off and then we turned around and drove back, but with the holiday traffic, the trip back took closer to 10 hours.

While Spencer was in NC, he and Chris talked about him moving back to NC some day and Chris made sure that Spencer knew that he had a place here should he ever want to make that move. On the way back to Clarksville, Spencer told us in the car that he'd move back to NC if he could, but he knew he couldn't because of Alex. He couldn't leave Alex in TN because he was the best thing that Spencer had in TN and couldn't leave him behind. Alex is Spencer's cat and Spencer knows that Chris is severely allergic to cats and didn't think Chris would let him bring him to NC. Chris told him that if that was the only obstacle to his moving to NC that they would find some way to work it out even if he had to take allergy shots to tolerate him. They talked about it a bit and decided to table it for a while and talk about it after he'd returned to TN and thought about it for a while.

On the way home, we'd been out of Clarksville just a few hours, Spencer called his dad on his cell phone and told him that he'd thought of another obstacle to his ever moving to NC so Chris asked him what it was and he said it was his mom. His mom depends on him alot - to help around the house and help with his little sister and he didn't think he could leave her to do those things by herself because she depended on him so much. Chris told him not to worry about it that they'd talk about it later, but taking care of the house and babysitting his little sister should not be the responsibility of a 14-year-old. They agreed to talk about it later and hung up and we continued home. We had done a lot of driving, but it was worth it. My husband had spent quality time with his son and I thought we were accomplishing something. I was wrong.

A few photos from Thanksgiving week, 2006:

Nov 2006 Veterans Day in TN

2009-06-18T22:43:00.005-04:00

Our third trip to TN to visit Spencer was for the Veteran's Day weekend in 2006. Spencer called his dad (they talked quite regularly by now) and told him he was marching in the parade with JROTC and it'd be "really cool" if Chris could come watch him. This is the first real activity that Spencer has invited Chris to in quite a while so although we only had about a week's notice, we quickly made plans to drive the 8 hours each way so that we could watch Spencer march in the parade.

We went to Clarksville for the weekend and the weather was bad and Spencer was sick. We picked him up on Friday - he was out of school for the holiday, we thought - and got some lunch and went out to Dunbar Cave. We ate and walked around with the dog for a while, but we had to be back to his house by 3:30 to meet his mother because he had an appointment (we didn't know at the time what kind of appointment). As it turns out, Spencer had a doctor appointment at 4 because he'd been out of school because he was sick and he needed a doctor note to excuse the absence. Chris and I went to the doctor with Spencer and his mother and his little sister and we were there when he came out with a prescription for an antibiotic and a diagnosis of strep throat. Chris and I took him to Walmart to get his prescription filled and then went back to his house to pick up his uniform for the parade the next day. He was staying the night with us but his mom had ironed his uniform and gotten his things together for the next day. If the weather cleared and he felt better, Spencer wanted to march in the parade. We picked up his things and went to dinner and then back to our hotel.

On Saturday morning Chris got up early to check the weather and it was still cold and damp so he called Spencer's mother to see what she thought about him being out in the weather and they both agreed that he should not march in the parade. We slept in a little and later in the day after it had cleared up some and warmed up some, we went on a guided tour of Dunbar Cave. Spencer stayed with us again on Saturday night and we went to dinner and hung out some and we took him home on Sunday, then started our 8-hour drive home.

Spencer and Chris had discussed Spencer coming to NC to visit his family over the Thanksgiving holiday - it'd been several years since Spencer had seen the majority of his family in NC (at least on Chris' side of his family). Spencer thought it'd be cool - so Chris asked his mother and she said she'd think about it. Chris told her that we would pick him up when he got out of school on Tuesday afternoon and bring him back on Sunday and she agreed to let him come for the visit.

A few photos from that visit:

Oct 2006 The Cabin at Still Waters Farm - Cumberland Furnace, TN

2009-06-18T22:40:00.002-04:00

Our second visit to TN was planned after Spencer told his dad that they really were not leaving Friday evening as soon as he got home from school. I found a place to stay on over 100 acres that had a pond for fishing and lots of outdoor activities. We were even permitted to bring Sadie if she behaved. Chris mentioned to Spencer that maybe they'd be able to target shoot his air rifle some while were were there and he asked Chris to bring one of his rifles with him so that they could shoot that as well. Well, when Spencer asked this, we already had the car packed with LOTS of fishing equipment and such, but Chris tracked down the property owners and got permission from them to bring a rifle and target shoot with his son, so we unpacked and repacked my poor Maxima. We were so loaded down with stuff that we had to go to the cabin first and unload some so we'd have enough room for Spencer - IF he got to come with us. At this point, we were still unsure. Chris let Spencer decide whether to let his mother know we were coming to visit. Apparently he did not.

Chris called Spencer when we got into town and Spencer told him that his mother didn't know we were coming so when we pulled up in front of the house and Chris knocked on the door, it was a suprise to his ex-wife. She was not happy. "I TOLD you not to come - we are going out of town and Spencer won't be here for the weekend" were her words to Chris while they were standing at the front door. Chris realized she'd told us that and admitted as much, but told her that we already had a place to stay and that we would be in town for the evening, at least, and that we'd like for Spencer to at least have dinner with us. She reluctantly agreed (seems like they really weren't leaving Friday night, as we'd been told) and that dinner ended up with his spending the night with us at the cabin.

We bought some groceries on the way back and grilled out steaks and had baked potatoes and some sort of vegetable, I forget what. Spencer told his dad that when we sat down at the dinner table together, that was the first time that he could remember in a very long time that he'd eaten a meal at the dinner table, that they typically didn't do that at home.

Later that night, Chris and Spencer went catfishing down at the pond. Mr & Mrs Springer had told us that there were catfish a plenty and we were more than welcome to try to catch some. I stayed at the cabin and read and watched some TV and let Chris and Spencer have some alone time, which I felt they needed so very much. They didn't have much luck with the catfish that evening (apparently they were using the wrong bait, as we'd find out later) and came in and we all pretty much passed out because we were so tired.

The next morning, Chris fixed breakfast (I helped a little) and he and Spencer set up a picnic table and some targets (i.e. logs, a rotten watermelon, empty 2-liter drink bottles filled with water) so that they could practice shooting and the Springers stopped by and suggested a place on the property that we didn't know about - that maybe they would want to shoot there later. I went back to town to get some stuff for lunch and some HOT DOGS to use for catfish bait. Our hosts kindly told us we needed to change bait to catch any catfish out of the pond and it worked! Spencer was to go home that afternoon, but he asked if he could stay again and we told him sure - if it was ok with his mother and he proceeded to call her and ask her if he could stay another night with us and she agreed. At the time, we didn't realize that Spencer had made up a story about falling into the pond and getting his clothes soaking wet and dirty - and he told his mother that he needed to stay so I could wash his clothes, but that's what he did. Once we found out, I did wash his clothes and his shoes, which were just filthy. We didn't realize at the time that Spencer's lie to his mother was forshadowing things to come and that apparently he'd been taught over the years that telling a lie is ok, if you get what you want in the end.

We actually went out to a little local restaurant for dinner that night and came back and later, at the appropriate time (I'm not sure how one determines the appropriate time to catfish, but it was late), Chris and Spencer went back to the pond to do more catfishing. I stayed behind again and read some more, did some laundry, watched some TV. My cell phone rang a little while later and it was Spencer, calling from the pond - "Can you bring the camera down here? I caught a huge catfish!" I found the camera and headed off to the pond to take fishing photos of father and son. It was quite comical once I got there - Spencer made his Dad hold the catfish up for the picture, although he was the one who actually reeled it in. My husband was so very happy to be able to spend time with his son and, yet again I thought we'd accomplished something. Yet again, I was wrong.

The cabin was available for the next night, Sunday, and we'd talked to our hosts about renting it if Spencer could stay another night with us and they said that would be fine. Spencer wanted to stay and target shoot and fish some more with his dad so he called his mom and asked her if he could and she said "absolutely not", so we packed up all our stuff, took Spencer home and started our long drive back to NC.

As it turned out, Spener and his mother did not go to KY to visit his step-father's mother for the week as we'd been told they would. Spencer told his dad later in the week, once he'd returned home that they had gone for a day trip and didn't even spend the night. So much for being gone the entire week.

A few photos from this trip:

Sept 2006 Our first trip to Clarksville, TN

2009-06-18T22:37:00.003-04:00

Monday, September 04, 2006

We decided to make our first trip to Clarksville over the Labor Day weekend. We really had no idea what to expect once we arrived, but I had a back-up plan just in case we didn't even get to speak to Spencer. I'd made a reservation at a bed and breakfast that I'd found online and hoped it was a nice place. I'd located a local winery that had music on the lawn, just in case we got stuck there and were too tired to drive the 8 hours home on Saturday. Like I said, we really had no idea what would happen once we arrived.

We left Greensboro early on Friday morning. I'd taken the day off work and I had Monday off for the holiday, so we had plenty of time. We took our time, but we left early. We'd mapped our route, the route to the bed and breakfast, and Spencer's home address. We'd checked the local schools and determined what time we thought he'd get home from school.

Once we'd arrived and checked in at the lovely bed and breakfast (we had a suite!) we decided to go for a drive in Clarksville to check out the area. I'd never been there but Chris had been there once before, shortly after 9/11. We drove around town a little bit, used our map to get around at first but after a while, Chris had "the lay of the land" as you might say. We drove by Spencer's house and there were four cars in the driveway. We figured if there were that many cars there, someone must be home, so we called from Chris' cell phone. No answer. We waited and called again - from the driveway of a house that was for sale on the very same street, about 3 houses down. Still, no answer, so we waited. We'd planned this so that we'd be there when the school buses started dropping the kids off from school - we thought our only glimpse of Spencer might be him getting off the school bus and walking to his house. We waited and waited and the school buses finally started turning into the neighborhood, yet there was no Spencer. We watched buses of middle school children drive by. No Spencer. We watched buses of high school children. No Spencer. Chris called the house one last time and got no answer. We weighed our options. We were exhausted from driving 8 hours and just the stress of the unknown. Chris was unsure of what would happen if we knocked on the door. We had all weekend so we decided to go back to the bed and breakfast and try to take a nap and come back later in the evening, hopefully a little bit rested and in a better frame of mind.

After an unsuccessful attempt at napping and a lot of discussion as to how to proceed, Chris decided he'd call Spencer's home telephone number from the phone at the B&B - maybe someone would answer a local number. No such luck. We both freshened up and headed back out so that Chris could make an attempt to see his son - for the first time in several year. It was a tense drive back to the house. Chris was so afraid of being rejected by the son he loves more than anything and I just really didn't know what would happen when we got there. I told him I'd walk to the door with him and stand beside him, which I did.

Once we arrived at the house, we walked up to the door and either knocked or rang the bell, I honestly don't remember which, but I do know that it took quite a while to get someone to answer. The same 4 cars were in the driveway - I'm not sure if they all ran or not - so we weren't sure if anyone was home. After all, nobody had answered the phone the numerous times we'd called that afternoon. Finally, Spencer's mother answered the door and with a look of shock on her face said, "Why didn't you call? Let me get Spencer." When Spencer came to the front door, I could tell he was very suprised, but pleased. He had this huge smile on his face and within the first 10 minutes of us being there, he'd challenged his dad to a push-up contest on the front sidewalk. Spencer had just joined JROTC and started working out and he wanted to see who could do the most push-ups, him or his dad. Chris was so estatic that he got down on the sidewalk in front of the house and started doing push-ups with his son. Finally, the two of them were together and within the first 10 minutes of Chris being with Spencer, Spencer asked him if he could spend the night with us. I felt like we'd accomplished something, but I was so wrong.

After some tense discussion, in front of Spencer, about things that had or had not happened 10 years ago, Spencer's mother started trying to convince Chris that Spencer needed to change his surname from Davis to that of her current husband. She listed off the following reasons: 1) It was hard for her to file an insurance claim when she took Spencer to the doctor because his name is different 2) She had a difficult time getting him enrolled in school because his name is different 3) If something should ever happen to her current husband while he was working in Iraq, Spencer might not get any benefits due him because his name is different. I had to walk away. I don't know how Chris kept his cool, but he did. I've never heard such bullshit in all my life. I could not believe that she was saying these things in front of Spencer - no wonder he'd been telling his dad he wanted to change his name - his mother has convinced him that his name being different is a major inconvenience for HER.

Eventually, after some tense conversation, we asked to take Spencer out to eat and invited his mother and little sister to go with us, which they did. We all rode to Red Lobster in my car and Spencer sat up front with his dad. We had a nice dinner (which was amazing to me at this point) at Red Lobster and Spencer had apparently asked his mom about spending the night with us because I believe she brought it up and it was agreed upon. We'd take them back to the house and get Spencer's things and he'd spend the night with us at the bed and breakfast. We had a suite with a sleeper sofa our front room and Spencer could sleep there.

Once we'd dropped Spencer's mother and little sister back at the house and picked up Spencer's things, we headed to our B&B. I let Spencer sit up front with his dad because, well, they needed time together and because he was 6 feet tall and he needed more leg space than I. On the way to the B&B, Spencer started telling his dad about how he'd stay up on weekends and play video games all the time and how he'd been up until 4:30 that morning playing video games. When I heard this, I asked Spencer what time he'd gotten up to go to school that morning and he told us that he'd not gone to school that day, or the day before, because he'd had to stay home to help his mom take care of his little sister who'd tripped over a tree root at preschool and broken her wrist. Why a 14-year-old had to stay home from school to babysit for a parent who was not employed is still a mystery to me.

It was late when we arrived back at the B&B, but Chris attempted to stay up and play video games with Spencer because he asked him to. Spencer played us all the cool ringtones he had on his cell phone and gave us the number so we could call him. Spencer thought Grandma Helen would have given Chris his cell phone number, but she had not (Spencer's mom had insisted that Helen not share the cell phone number with Chris) Again, I thought we'd accomplished something, but I was so wrong. The next day we hung out, went shopping and Spencer called his mother and asked to spend Saturday night with us as well. Chris was overjoyed and I was amazed. We were hoping for dinner and we'd never imagined that Spencer would want to spend two nights with us, but he did. I think we went to a late movie that night and I don't remember where we ate dinner, but the shopping we'd done earlier in the day would come back to bite Chris in the ass. We'd gone to Walmart and Chris and Spencer had talked about buying an air rifle (i.e. bb gun) and some targets for Spencer. After they called his mother to get her permission, we purchased the air rifle, some BBs and targets and a case with a lock on it for Spencer. I made sure they had called to get permission, which they did and she later denied, but that's another story.

We spent two nights with Spencer and dropped him off on Sunday. Spencer had told us that he had a week off from school in early October and Chris asked his ex-wife if it would be ok for Spencer to visit with his family in NC (there's about 70 of them!) during this time but she seemed like she didn't know he had an entire week off. She said she'd have to talk about it with him later.

We then drove back to NC and we were exhausted, but my husband was happy and I thought we'd accomplished something. I was wrong.

When we were almost back to Greensboro, Chris called his ex-wife to speak with Spencer, but he was out shooting his air rifle at the targets we'd bought. She told Chris that he loved his air rifle and had been shooting it all day. Chris thanked her for letting him spend time with us and she told Chris that Spencer had a cell phone and he could call him on it any time that he wanted to. Chris was happy and I thought we'd accomplished something. I was wrong.

Over the next few weeks, Chris and Spencer spoke on the phone many times. Sometimes once a day, sometimes more than once a day. Chris' ex-wife later made a comment to him on the phone about her cell phone bill going up a hundred dollars because of all the time they spent talking to each other, so I sent her a check for $100 to help with the bill. When we arrived for a visit in October, she returned the check to me and told me she didn't need our money.

Between Labor Day weekend and the first of October 2006, Chris spoke with his ex-wife on several occasions trying to coordinate more time with his son. We would drive the 8 hours each way and incur the expense of finding lodging, buying gas and food. She wouldn't have to do anything except agree. She did not. She told Chris that they were going out of town for the entire week as soon as Spencer got home from school on Friday and that they'd be gone all week, so we decided not to go to TN. Then, Spencer called his dad and told him that IF they did go to TN, it wouldn't be until Sunday evening and that it'd be cool if we came back to visit again, so we set the plan for our second visit to TN into motion.

A few photos from this trip:

The Beginning - July 8, 2004 - January 1, 2006

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I met my husband in July 2004 and we've been pretty much inseparable since. When my father passed away on August 1, 2004 he dropped everything and accompanied me to WV to take care of all those things one must take care of when a parent dies. As I'm an only child, things obviously fell to me, as I expected they some day would. While we were in WV my new boyfriend (I'll call him this now for lack of a better word) asked a small favor of me. He realized that I had lots of things on my mind and lots of things that I needed to do, but he asked if we could stop at a local pharmacy and pick up a birthday card for his son, who lived in TN with his mother. He hadn't seen him in quite a while and he didn't really want to get into alot of detail at the time, but he hoped that if I addressed the envelope for the birthday card and it came from another state besides NC, that perhaps his son would actually receive it because it didn't appear to be from him. I willingly agreed, not knowing that I had just been introduced to parental alienation and all its ugly facets, but I would certainly soon find out how unseemly it truly is. I had no idea.

I took time off from work to grieve. It was difficult - although my father was old, his passing was unexpected and it kind of knocked the wind out of my sails for a while. My wonderful new "boyfriend" took me to the coast because he thought I needed a break from things and he was right. We had an enjoyable few days in the Outer Banks of NC and returned very close to the end of August. Chris and I became inseparable and he eventually moved into my house in Winston Salem while he continued to work on his house in Greensboro as time allowed. Chris talked about his son, Spencer, a great deal during this time and he eventually moved photos to my house so that he could feel closer to his son. I'd never met Spencer, never even talked to him, but I felt he was a very special little boy.

Chris would periodically call TN. Sometimes his ex-wife would answer but mostly she would not. Spencer was busy. Spencer was not at home. It is not convenient to speak to him. In 2004 Chris had sent a birthday card and money with his mother when she traveled to TN to visit Spencer and we were told when she returned how mean Spencer's mother and step-father were to him and how the step-father immediately took the money that was in Spencer's birthday card from his dad. We didn't figure that he'd received the card that Chris had sent in the mail, but at least we tried. We kept trying, but probably not enough. Chris called frequently, sometimes weekly, sometimes every few weeks and occasionally he'd actually get to speak to his son, but not very often. Chris' mother told us that she'd observed that Spencer was not allowed to answer the phone while she was visiting for his birthday because it might be Chris calling to speak to his son. They occasionally emailed back and forth - nothing grand, but trying to maintain the connection. One can only take so many rejections and hang-ups and it seemed that Spencer, at the ripe old age of 12, had decided that he needed to change his surname to that of his step-father and became angry when Chris would not permit it. I didn't realize it at the time, but the name change thing had been rearing its ugly head (I'm sure with some help) since Spencer was in second grade. Chris became convinced that his son was better off in TN with his mother and new family (he had a 1/2 sister that was born a few years earlier) but he missed him dearly. He talked of him constantly. We again sent gifts for birthday and Christmas in 2005. Chris actually had a few civil conversations with his ex-wife regarding things that Spencer would like for his birthday . . . or for Christmas and we sent them. I specifically remember sending the video game that he wanted - I think he played it on his computer, but it was called Guild Wars. I made him an afghan and let Chris pick out the colors. I had no idea he'd want me to make a camoflage afghan, but I did.

I remember when Spencer received one of the packages - and now I don't remember if it was in 2004 or 2005 - but it was a Christmas package and he called his dad as soon as he got it and he talked to him for about 15-20 minutes while he opened every present in it. Chris was so happy that he'd gotten to speak with his son - I couldn't imagine why this couldn't happen regularly. I had no idea.

In May of 2005 Chris and I were invited to the beach in SC for a few days with his mother, Helen, and one of her friends, Ailene. They went for the entire week, but Chris and I planned to drive to Harbor Beach, SC mid-week, for the weekend. As it happened, Chris' ex-wife's sister had suddenly passed away and Spencer and his mother were coming to NC for her funeral. When we found that out, from Helen, I believe, Chris called his ex-wife several times. She finally answered but would not tell Chris where she was staying (it could have been one of several places) and she wouldn't commit to a place and time for him to see Spencer. Spencer was busy. Spencer was going somewhere with his cousin. I wanted to stay in town and show up at the funeral so that we could see Spencer, but Chris thought would have been upsetting to his son, so he did not do that. We went on to the beach and Helen rode back with us and we called Spencer's mother. She didn't answer. We called from Chris' phone, we called from my phone and we called from Helen's phone. No answer. Helen finally left her a message asking to see Spencer while they were in NC or she would have to make a trip to TN to visit the. Once we'd returned home, Spencer's mother called Helen and invited her to lunch on the condition that she not tell Chris where they were meeting.

This sporadic contact continued until after we were married and into 2006. My new husband wanted so desperately to see his son and talk to his son and be with his son. There was no reason that he should not have a relationship with him - after all, he had joint custody of him! I started thinking of a way to get them back together and although it took me a long time to convince Chris to go through with it, after one more birthday without being able to see his son, he eventually did.

I had no idea what was in store for us, or for Spencer.

We decided that we'd drive to TN for a visit. At this point, what did Chris have to lose? He had no actual relationship with his son - at this point the worst that could happen was that he'd be rejected again and he'd been through that many times before. I knew that Chris had been in and out of court with his ex-wife before she moved to TN, but I really didn't understand the extreme measures that had been taken to keep Chris and his son apart until I started sorting through all the files and documents and receipts that Chris still had. To try to familiarize myself with the situation a little more, I sorted through boxes of toys that were in the attic. There were boxes of little boys clothes that needed to be attended to. I unpacked them and washed them and gave some of them to Chris' brother's sons. Some we sold, some we donated. They were all too small now, so there was really no reason to keep them. There was file after file of homework and schoolwork and colored pictures that Chris had kept from the year and a half that Spencer lived with him. The notes and documents that Chris' ex-girlfriend had kept of just the daily goings-on were amazing. I felt these things needed some sort of organization, so I started the task of trying to do that, but it was a huge undertaking. It is still not as organized as I'd like it to be, but it is much better than it was when I started.

We originally planned to try to go TN for Spencer's 14th birthday - in August of 2006, but that didn't work out. We called. Nobody answered. Chris called the home telephone number, nobody answered. Chris called his ex-wife's cell phone number, nobody answered. So, we decided what the hell - we'd make the trip over the Labor Day weekend in 2006 and that's where this long strange trip actually starts.

The Beginning

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I am in the process of moving my original blog from Myspace and I hope to accomplish a great deal of that while on vacation next week. In the meantime, a photo of my husband and his son, taken circa 1998.

Here are some birthday photos:

left to right: 1st birthday, 2nd birthday

L to R: 3rd birthday, 4th birthday at school

L to R : 6th Birthday, 7th Birthday

L to R: 8th Birthday, 9th Birthday

Spencer's 9th birthday was his last in NC before his mother moved him to TN.

Here are some additional photos:

L to R: Chris, Spencer and Chris' Grandparents on his Grandfather's 84th Birthday, Chris and Spencer at Christmas in 2000

L to R: Spencer and Chris at City Stage in Greensboro, Spencer and Chris at Chris' mother's house.